PROGRESS? Make no mistake about it, people don’t always learn from their mistakes. I know I don’t. There are times when it doesn’t matter how much I read and learn about the behavior of people, I permit what someone else says and does or doesn’t do, impact me negatively and very deeply. And none of us enjoy feeling hurt and disappointed. So we react in a somewhat automatic way and unleash the negative feelings we are experiencing.
I recognize, for me, when I am getting close to “the edge,” because I start to take in huge amounts of air and begin to sigh a lot. The sighing, for me, is a sign that I am starting to accept something I am struggling with – something that feels very huge and bigger than I feel I can keep fighting. For me, the sighing is some type of physiological resignation, coming to some sort of terms with the fact that I just have to stop struggling and let go.
NOT one of my favorite feelings – I have to admit. Because it is also a point in which I am humbled and forced to come fact to face with my limitations. I have to face that I am not able to have things my way, this situation is not going the way I want it to.
I am not getting that ‘happily ever after’ feeling and the spoiled child in me would much prefer to stomp her feet and march off in a huff rather than deal with the situation in a mature and level-headed manner, granting space and time so I can clear my head and come back to face the situation with a totally different, solution-based perspective.
I tend to think most of us, if not all of us, can relate to times like this. But in all honesty, I am aware that these types of moments occur much less frequently than they used to and last considerably less time per episode, if and when they do occur.
That’s a good thing, right?
It is true, though. I do not have to become what I feel. I don’t have to allow the feelings to dictate my behavior. There is a point and time, albeit a short one, perhaps, when I can make the choice to detach from those negative feelings.
I get to still have them. But I can put some type of a divider, ah, I’ve got it; a B O U N D A R Y…yes, that’s it, a BOUNDARY between myself as a person and my feelings. I have become a person with feelings, not someone overcome by feelings.
And the therapist inside me smiles and says – this is what healthier feels like. This is what I’ve been working toward. And can it be? The sighing that was the indication of feeling resigned and defeated – – – is gone. In its place is a feeling of lightness, like someone who rises up off the ground a bit when she skips.
Somehow, I’ve gone from the heavy-footed, stomping, tantrumming child, to a carefree, happy little girl with a fun-loving bounce in her step. And those negative feelings – they exist, but they’ve somehow been shrunk down to size and they’re not any more important than any of the other feelings I have.
Just think, I pride myself, it has only taken me half my life to get here – – – imagine how far along I’ll be when I’m 130! SHEESH!!!
I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!