Tag Archives: Work

How to Get From Distraction to Satisfaction…mindfulness

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Multitasking can leave us feeling disoriented at the end of the day. What’s worse, this frenetic shifting between two or more things can rob us of a sense of satisfaction.

Daniel Goleman looks at three ways we can reduce multitasking at work. See the link:  http://www.mindful.org/at-work/how-to-get-from-distraction-to-satisfaction 

via http://roldeschulte.wordpress.com/

Attitude and Perspective Matters

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The attitude and perspective we have has a big effect on our emotions, ability to learn, and ability to succeed.

I’m a terrible actress. I don’t like people’s eyes looking at me, I don’t like being on stage, I hate public speaking, I’m terrible at improvisation, and I go blank. But every year I  have to act at least once at a family holiday program I’m part of. I get very nervous and anxious during rehearsals and just before going on stage if I have a large speaking role. (If I can be a clown or someone who mimes, I have a ball on stage!)

But there was one year I had a large speaking role that I had to memorize. I was freaking out! One of my friends heard me mutter that I couldn’t do it over and over. He did the best thing. He had me stop muttering and had me focus on him.  He said with authority that if I told myself I couldn’t do it, I stopped myself from succeeding right there. When he told me this I knew he was right. I defeated myself with my own perspective and attitude. I had to change it. I didn’t feel any better about it and I didn’t know if I could do it, but I knew I had to stop thinking I couldn’t do it.

I stopped telling myself I couldn’t do it and just focused on remembering the words. And guess what, I delivered the monologue to a T.

I was with an older person today and he’s not very computer literate. The whole time we were talking about computers he said he couldn’t do it and that he’d never figure it out. He got angry at the rate of changing technology, blaming it for the problems he faced with it.  But instead of getting angry, I thought all he needed was a change of perspective and attitude. Instead of wasting all that energy thinking he’d never get it and being angry over it, he could use that energy to really focus and learn the new technology.

I think part of the key is to stop focusing on how bad things are and how much you don’t like them. I don’t like acting, this guy didn’t like new technology. They are difficult things for us that we have to get used to. But there’s no point getting worked up about it and fighting it trying to get your own way. Separate yourself from it a little and get a different perspective. Embrace it with a different attitude. Learn what you need to know. It might be hard and a lot of work, but try.

Having the right attitude and perspective means you’ll have the discipline, commitment and focus to at least give it your best go.

I have a friend who was never any good at school and hates studying. The problem is she can’t get anywhere with the career she wants without studying. I think she can study and get to where she wants to be, but she thinks she’s a lost cause in that area. She’s defeated herself right there. She doesn’t even want to try, because her attitude and perspective won’t let her.

To give it a go, get the right attitude and perspective.

You might not be able to do whatever it is you want and/or need to do, but if you tell yourself you can’t do it from the start, it’s certain that you won’t be able to do it.

How’s your attitude and perspective? I think I have to check mine in a few areas.

Some Things I Learnt in 2013

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I’ve been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. But I’ve done lots of thinking and metacognitive analysis as usual, so I’ve got a bunch of things I’ve learnt throughout last year about how I work.

Here’s a quick summary of some of the things I’ve learnt:

  • As the duty fulfiller (MBTI) I love working hard but when I’m given so much work that I can’t keep up with, I get overwhelmed and start to let things slip because it’s all to much and I know I can’t do the job to the standard I want to. I’m a 100% or 0% type person. If I can’t put 100% into something, I don’t want to do it. I feel guilty if I can’t do the job the best I can, but I also feel guilty if I let things slip. My nature, then, is to simply keep going. When I hit this roadblock last year and was letting things slip, I resolved to just keep at it. I shared what I learnt with a friend and she had a “Whoa” moment from it because she realized she was the same. And now she’s made steps to “do something” instead of doing nothing at all. Because sometimes it’s better to do something than never do anything.
  • Again, as the duty fulfiller I love putting my all into my work. And when I can’t put my all into my work, I get very frustrated and feel burdened. My friend who puts her all into caring for people gets very frustrated and burdened when she can’t love people the way she wants to. We feel the exact same way about different things. I love how we’re all so different! We both have to learn not to place such high expectations on ourselves to ALWAYS be and do everything we want to be and do in the particular areas we care most about. Otherwise we’d be miserable whenever we couldn’t live up to our standards.
  • I learnt that I really am an advocate as the type 1 (Enneagram). I never really saw it in me but I finally worked out that it fits. I feel lost if I don’t have any meaning, and a big part of where I get meaning from is having a focus outside of myself. This means not just doing things I enjoy all the time but doing things that also give something back to people around me. The key for me is to find things that are both for me and others and also to find things that I believe in. This has helped a lot in giving me direction in life.
  • Knowing about my advocate nature, this has helped me realize that I need a filter for life. A filter that tells me what I should say yes and no to. A filter that tells me what I should spend my time, money and energy on. This way, goals can be met quicker, waste is avoided and there is a clearer meaning and purpose in life, both in the bigger picture and in the everyday.

So, this is only a snippet of the things I’ve learnt but I’ll write about the other things in other posts. And, of course, I’ll always be learning more! It’s a lot of fun!

Two danish bosses surprise their employees

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Two Danish bosses surprise their employees in the morning

July 5, 2013 @ 1:45 pm · Filed under Happy At WorkLeadershipMonday Tips

Carsten and Karsten, two sales managers at Danish company Solar, wanted to do something nice for their employees.

Early one Monday morning, they stood at the entrance and greeted every employee with a cheerful “good morning” and a breakfast they could take to their desks.

This a great example of a “random act of workplace kindness”. Have you ever done something surprising and nice for a co-worker? Let us know in a comment.

– See more at: http://positivesharing.com/#sthash.hpBRnzqH.dpuf

How I became an alchoholic – Video

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How I became an alcoholic – video


Amanda Simoes, a recovering alcoholic, discusses how she developed her addiction. Despite a fall in the number of alcohol-related deaths in England and Scotland, deaths of women in their 30s and 40s are rising, according to a new study. Simoes, who worked in public relations from the age of 18, says she started drinking to fit in at work

 

My work as a psychologist

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Therapy has for most people been associated with something mystical. Before I started with psychology myself, I also had my mental images of it, and knew about the standard Freudian couch where you simply said whatever you wanted. I`ve heard about Freud, and knew you probably had to talk about your childhood, but had no idea how a typical therapist or patient actually looked.

F4737867504973e546f5319541a4be1dbor people who haven`t been in therapy, it is often still a mystery. A lot of my friend have asked me, isn`t it hard to hear about so many horrible things, every day? But it’s basically what we all do, every day, anyway. We see films, listen to our friends, read books and watch news about what`s going on. Of course, we don´t have the “obligation” to do something about that, so people might feel that it`s different, but I promise you, a therapist is not more than a personal trainer cheering the clients on. We always stand by our patients sides when something needs to be done or untangled.

Even if I am a therapist, I still love to go to therapy or supervision myself. I don`t respond to the words, but simply to the fact that I talk with a human being about myself. It’s good to have someone there, who just say “it truly sounds like you had a rough time”.

What do you talk about in therapy?
This might still be a bit vague. You might think: Well, that`s fine: But what do you exactly DO in those 45 minutes? To make it more concrete, I will try to write a bit more of what can be done in therapy. Since we can`t talk about patients, I must underline that this is just a general picture, and referrers to no specific client of mine. Of course there will be variations in how we work and approach problems, but I always have some basics that I live by: Respect, curiosity and an attitude of “everything is possible”. I truly believe that, no matter how far someone has fallen, with motivation and hard work, nothing can´t be done. People come to therapy for all kinds of reasons

 

My day at work

A typical morning for me is getting to work, looking through my calendar and appointments or maybe attending a meeting if its monday or Wednesday. Normally I have about four sessions every day, with people who have a variety of diagnosis. If we have our first meeting, I have to go through some standard questions, but mostly I try to get a description of the problem as they see it. Sometime I also give them some surveys that have to be filled out before the next session, but personally I prefer to not fbcd7b34c340acf7f3a4f2773445698fuse too much time on those, since I think people have a variety of problems people might get a bit annoyed if this is the only focus. I also go through why they have to answer them: So that we can choose a treatment that fits people who generally score the same on those surveys. And of course, if they have a diagnosis that might require medications, I can`t ignore that.

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the best thing we can do is help each other

For very depressed, bipolar people, AD/HD or people in a psychosis, conversations might not be what we focus on the most in the beginning, it might be we also must talk with the doctor so that we can secure basics like sleep. For some people, collecting energy will be the first thing we do. It’s about saying no to people who drain energy, working with attitudes about how perfect everything must be, or simply working in a schedule where they put in healthy food, physical activities and “alone-time”. Some people worry a lot, and then the goal might be to set up experiments where those worries are put to the test. For example, people with panic attacks, might worry about fainting in public, and after a while they start to avoid situations that they feel are dangerous. An example that I actually saw on television, was a woman afraid of hurting kids if she had a knife in her hand.After a while, she stopped using knives, and even made sure to lock them securely in. She also developed a fear where she worried she might accidentally kill someone by not paying not attention while driving. After a while she simply stopped driving, because she didn`t want to take any risks. The therapy for her was rather concrete: She had to expose herself to what she feared, like being in the area where kids could be WHILE she carried a knife, and drive a car where people could potentially be, without turning back to check if she had run over people.

Using eye movements to reduce fear

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I use EMDR a lot for helping trauma-victims

I mostly work with traumatized people and people with personality disorders. I usually follow a model where I first focus on collecting energy, before we work with specific traumas that give them flashbacks, nightmares and disrupt them in their daily lives (can`t relax, must always be on “guard”). I use EMDR for this work, which is basically using eye movements while they think about trauma. I ask them to bring forward a memory which scare them, and to think about the part the worst part. Then they keep that picture in their mind’s eye, while following specific movements I do with my fingers. I monitor their discomfort on a scale from 1-10, where 10 is the worst discomfort they have ever felt, and 0 is completely calm, and keep doing the finger movement until they feel calm. I will write more about EMDR later, but it the main point is that afterwards, it`s easier to live with what happened. People have described it as “earlier I lived IN it, now it feels like it`s behind me”.

How to say goodbye
The last “face” is to talk about ending the therapy. We go through the work we have done, and talk about how it will be to say goodbye. This is important, because being “left” is something a lot struggle with. I must make sure that people don’t feel abandoned, that they can take with them some part of what they learnt, inside their goodbyehearts. I have also been in therapy, and when I feel especially low, I can hear her voice in my head saying: “Take care of yourself, dear”. I say this to my clients: If I can be with you in just one tiny part, I will gladly be there, and allow them to contact me later, if they need to. It’s just a way of saying that goodbye is just “now you can continue on your own. I wish I could walk every step of the journey with you, and in my heart, I do”.

A lot of my jobs is actually about respect and being there. Far too many think they aren`t good enough. It doesn`t matter how many times they have been told or have read that everyone has worth, and so do they, it still FEELS different. Sometimes its all about stating the obvious; I see how kind-hearted they are (most people are really wonderful), how hard they try, how much suffering they had to go through, and remind them off this, when they just see what they feel is “bad”. It’s about never leaving, and being stable and sure when they feel giving up is the only option.

I truly care about my job and my clients. When they manage to do something good for themselves, I cheer them on and feel real joy in my chest. Its magic, what I do, and it gives me hope, because no matter how many bad choices, relationships or events that have taken place in a life, it truly is never too late.

Related articles
EMDR therapy: faster relief for overcoming trauma (firefliesofhope.typepad.com)
Therapists: Peddlers of hope and how to choose one (voxxi.com)