Tag Archives: success

Attitude and Perspective Matters

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The attitude and perspective we have has a big effect on our emotions, ability to learn, and ability to succeed.

I’m a terrible actress. I don’t like people’s eyes looking at me, I don’t like being on stage, I hate public speaking, I’m terrible at improvisation, and I go blank. But every year I  have to act at least once at a family holiday program I’m part of. I get very nervous and anxious during rehearsals and just before going on stage if I have a large speaking role. (If I can be a clown or someone who mimes, I have a ball on stage!)

But there was one year I had a large speaking role that I had to memorize. I was freaking out! One of my friends heard me mutter that I couldn’t do it over and over. He did the best thing. He had me stop muttering and had me focus on him.  He said with authority that if I told myself I couldn’t do it, I stopped myself from succeeding right there. When he told me this I knew he was right. I defeated myself with my own perspective and attitude. I had to change it. I didn’t feel any better about it and I didn’t know if I could do it, but I knew I had to stop thinking I couldn’t do it.

I stopped telling myself I couldn’t do it and just focused on remembering the words. And guess what, I delivered the monologue to a T.

I was with an older person today and he’s not very computer literate. The whole time we were talking about computers he said he couldn’t do it and that he’d never figure it out. He got angry at the rate of changing technology, blaming it for the problems he faced with it.  But instead of getting angry, I thought all he needed was a change of perspective and attitude. Instead of wasting all that energy thinking he’d never get it and being angry over it, he could use that energy to really focus and learn the new technology.

I think part of the key is to stop focusing on how bad things are and how much you don’t like them. I don’t like acting, this guy didn’t like new technology. They are difficult things for us that we have to get used to. But there’s no point getting worked up about it and fighting it trying to get your own way. Separate yourself from it a little and get a different perspective. Embrace it with a different attitude. Learn what you need to know. It might be hard and a lot of work, but try.

Having the right attitude and perspective means you’ll have the discipline, commitment and focus to at least give it your best go.

I have a friend who was never any good at school and hates studying. The problem is she can’t get anywhere with the career she wants without studying. I think she can study and get to where she wants to be, but she thinks she’s a lost cause in that area. She’s defeated herself right there. She doesn’t even want to try, because her attitude and perspective won’t let her.

To give it a go, get the right attitude and perspective.

You might not be able to do whatever it is you want and/or need to do, but if you tell yourself you can’t do it from the start, it’s certain that you won’t be able to do it.

How’s your attitude and perspective? I think I have to check mine in a few areas.

If At First…

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New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions

It is almost impossible to sneak five minutes on the internet or make it through a single television program or radio broadcast without being pummeled by blogs, commercials or advertisements that are connected to New Years Resolutions.

It is like this every year, I know, but maybe because I am more in touch with what people are writing and talking about this year than ever before, I am much more aware of the overwhelming amount of budget and debt relief, weight loss and exercise and return to school to improve your career type of leads.

If your preference is more of a world view or macro perspective, you can read about how the Pope and all many other human rights and world leaders raise their voices in a resounding resolution of hope and a better, less violent, more caring world; while more business-minded experts speak about where they see their particular niche likely to lead this year.

Hope

Like most things in life, I’m learning that there are two sides to this resolution gig. The fist way of looking at it would be to focus on what is being said, how people are looking ahead to the brand new year ahead and determining what improvements and changes they are (at least for the time being) willing to commit to because they are trying to make their lives and hopefully the lives of others, better than this past year.

What is not being said, is that there must be a fair amount of dissatisfaction with the way they feel about the status quo – in other words –something about this past year; behavior, occurrences and final outcomes, that can be improved on, bettered and or mastered. This is not a harmful type of dissatisfaction, it is the type that turns into action with motivation, determination and perseverance. It is not about developing a poor self image or a lack of acceptance, but rather one in which we look at the 1st of the new year as a type of blank slate, a fresh start, a new beginning in which we can try again, begin again, reassess and recommit.

One Day At A Time

One Day At A Time

Here is the rub…in reality, each and every single day of the year, holds within its 24 hours, the same exact opportunity to start fresh and try again. Weight loss and exercise regimes do not have to begin on Mondays, or at the beginning of a month, or on the 1st of a new year. In order for them to be effective, they just have to begin – and they have to be kept up. The ingredients that contribute to successful results when it comes to goals (which are a type of resolution) have no correlation to their start date. The only connection lies in the fact that you have to have a starting point, whenever it may be. And if you not successfully reach, as long as there is a new commitment, renewed motivation and a new measure of persistence and perseverance, we are absolutely free to try again.

I wish everybody nothing but complete success in achieving all their goals and in achieving positive results in every resolution considered, but let us keep in mind that we are human and perfectly imperfect and as I learned as a young child….if at first I don’t succeed, I can try, try again….any day and any time I so choose. We all can!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

The Best Kept Secret to Highly Successful Couples

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An excerpt: 

“According to Adam Grant, Wharton’s most popular and youngest tenured faculty member, author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, people fall into one of 3 distinct categories: Givers, Matchers and Takers. While Grant’s book is written for a business audience, its theories provide extraordinary insight into romantic relationships. The category you fall into may well determine the success and happiness of your relationship!”

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201311/the-best-kept-secret-highly-successful-couples?tr=HdrQuote

Men are STILL on Mars

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Battle of the Sexes

Battle of the Sexes

It is 2013! We are supposed to be progressive and current and trendy, right? So tell me, why did a very recent study show that men’s subconscious self-esteem drop significantly based on the level of success or failure of their female partner?

Shy on earth should a well-established man of the 21st century feel threatened enough to let it impact how they feel about themselves, if the woman in their life succeeds or not? Maybe I’m missing something there but are we still involved in a battle of the sexes in which women need to prove that they are worthy of being able to fail or succeed independently of having an impact on their personal relationship.

Being more than 10 years into the 21st century, I would hope that gender prejudices don’t play a starring role in personal relationships, but based on a new study men may not really feel very good when their wives or girlfriends succeed. In fact, the study, which appeared in a recent American Psychological Association publication reported that men’s self-esteem is damaged when they find their spouse or girlfriend excels; whether the area is in competition with them or not.

I’m perplexed because I cannot relate to this but the study goes on to explain that women don’t feel this type of negativity toward themselves when their male counterpart succeeds. To me, I would feel happy and proud and want to encourage their further success. But men reported feeling threatened by their girlfriends even when it wasn’t a matter of outperforming. According to Kate Ratliff, PhD, of the University of Florida, and the study’s lead author, “this research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition.”

The study was performed with 896 people in five separate experiments. The experiments measured explicit self-esteem and implicit self esteem; how respondents said they felt and then subconsciously how they felt about their partners’ performance.

Men Vs. Women

Men Vs. Women

Many times, male respondents reported or said they felt fine, even when they believed their romantic partner was successful. However, the results of the test of implicit self-esteem revealed very much otherwise.

Although I am not feeling great to learn about this very different reaction – something that more than likely will come up in some way in my personal relationship at some point; I feel as if my reaction is very predictable and ‘normal’ for a women.

Struggling Couple

Struggling Couple

I can’t help but get mentally drawn back to the image I used to get when my grandmother lovingly ‘warned’ me when she met my husband to be. She told me then that men don’t like losing to a girl and she advised me not to do my best if we went bowling or anything like that where I had the opportunity to better him. I guess, even after all these years, Granny knew what she was talking about.

Hopefully understanding how different and wide the gap between men and women are when it comes to something like this can help us prepare to bridge it and work on narrowing the differences.

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Article: “Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner’s Success or Failure,” Kate A. Ratliff, PhD, University of Florida, and Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, University of Virginia; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, online Aug. 5, 2013.

Full text of the article is available from the APA Public Affairs Office and at Full Text Article.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

Yes We Can !!!!

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Positive Thinking

I’m going to throw down the gauntlet today. I’m not sure why I’m in this frame of mind, but I want to challenge myself and my followers to take the time and do something they most likely don’t usually do for themselves.

I would like us all to think about something we REALLY want to see happen in our lives and to acknowledge that this something is within our reach if we just keep on doing the next right thing. It is just around the corner. It is right over the next hill. It is there, for the taking, because we have done many right things in our lives and are very much worth manifesting this in our lives so it is there for us.

When I first started out in the work force, like so many others, I bounced around from job to job; either just trying different things or taking on jobs just to keep myself busy and earn some money. One of those jobs was sales oriented (which I now believe is absolutely NOT my cup of tea.)

But, I learned an awful lot of things I find myself coming back to during the short time I worked in the field. Most likely, much of my initial exposure to some of the true powers of the human mind can be traced back to the experiences I encountered at that time.

I remember reading a lot of what was then referred to as Positive Thinking literature; things by people like Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Norman Vincent Peale, and Zig Ziglar.

And they all sounded the same message – as human beings, we all possessed so much potential we never tapped into – within reason, there was nothing we couldn’t do if we set our minds to it. These men also wrote about and discussed many of the qualities and traits of the most successful people; people who had visions of what they truly wanted to accomplish in their lives and had been successful.

Since those days, there have been many others who have followed in their tracks, following keys of success and principles that are common in those people who manifest greatness in their lives, literally obliterating obstacles that are presented to them and achieving nothing less than what they set out to achieve.

The list of those people could go on and on – growing day by day. And it stands to reason, because we are all living in the computer age in which we have so much proof of the type of advances we are making in leaps and bounds with technology. All we have to do, is focus on the fact that it us HUMAN BEINGS that harness the knowledge and ability to make these achievements. MAN makes computers, not the other way around.

Positive Images

Positive Images

We have evolved this far because we have persevered and stayed true to the goals of making these types of advances in our lives. If technology can achieve SO much to advance the quality of our lives, just imagine what the director of that technology is capable of doing! WE are the directors of that technology!

So, focus in on just one thing that really means something to you, today….NOW. And see what you are able to accomplish when you TRULY set your amazing mind to it!

ABOUT ME

I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

Progress Not Perfection – The First 100 Years

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Progress Concept

Progress Concept



PROGRESS?
Make no mistake about it, people don’t always learn from their mistakes. I know I don’t. There are times when it doesn’t matter how much I read and learn about the behavior of people, I permit what someone else says and does or doesn’t do, impact me negatively and very deeply. And none of us enjoy feeling hurt and disappointed. So we react in a somewhat automatic way and unleash the negative feelings we are experiencing.

I recognize, for me, when I am getting close to “the edge,” because I start to take in huge amounts of air and begin to sigh a lot. The sighing, for me, is a sign that I am starting to accept something I am struggling with – something that feels very huge and bigger than I feel I can keep fighting. For me, the sighing is some type of physiological resignation, coming to some sort of terms with the fact that I just have to stop struggling and let go.

NOT one of my favorite feelings – I have to admit. Because it is also a point in which I am humbled and forced to come fact to face with my limitations. I have to face that I am not able to have things my way, this situation is not going the way I want it to.

Happily Ever After

I am not getting that ‘happily ever after’ feeling and the spoiled child in me would much prefer to stomp her feet and march off in a huff rather than deal with the situation in a mature and level-headed manner, granting space and time so I can clear my head and come back to face the situation with a totally different, solution-based perspective.

I tend to think most of us, if not all of us, can relate to times like this. But in all honesty, I am aware that these types of moments occur much less frequently than they used to and last considerably less time per episode, if and when they do occur.

That’s a good thing, right?

It is true, though. I do not have to become what I feel. I don’t have to allow the feelings to dictate my behavior. There is a point and time, albeit a short one, perhaps, when I can make the choice to detach from those negative feelings.

I get to still have them. But I can put some type of a divider, ah, I’ve got it; a B O U N D A R Y…yes, that’s it, a BOUNDARY between myself as a person and my feelings. I have become a person with feelings, not someone overcome by feelings.

And the therapist inside me smiles and says – this is what healthier feels like. This is what I’ve been working toward. And can it be? The sighing that was the indication of feeling resigned and defeated – – – is gone. In its place is a feeling of lightness, like someone who rises up off the ground a bit when she skips.

Skipping

Skipping

Somehow, I’ve gone from the heavy-footed, stomping, tantrumming child, to a carefree, happy little girl with a fun-loving bounce in her step. And those negative feelings – they exist, but they’ve somehow been shrunk down to size and they’re not any more important than any of the other feelings I have.

Just think, I pride myself, it has only taken me half my life to get here – – – imagine how far along I’ll be when I’m 130! SHEESH!!!

ABOUT ME

I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!