Tag Archives: pain

Pretending to be happy


I wanted to share finding my inner courage`s latest post, since I find her incredibly brave in what she does. Living in excruciating pain is more than anyone can imagine, but still, she goes through it. The strength it takes to smile when all you want to do is cry out in agony, is immense. I send my best wishes, and cross my fingers for more pain-free moments in the future. You are a star.

Nina, psychologist

Pretending To Be Happy

15TuesdayOct 2013

Posted by  in BLOGS


Determinant of the circumstance, a lot of times it is heavily beneficial for me to keep a smile on my face, even though the emotional or physical pain that I am experiencing is weighing me down.

It takes more strength to be able to keep a smile on my face and to keep moving forward towards my goals, than it does to let a serious emotional or physical wound affect me, but what would life be without its challenges? Whether I choose to believe it or not staying positive and keeping a smile on my face is infectious, my positivity will infect everyone around me as will my negativity.

I must choose at times of extreme pain to be strong and make sure no one sees my pain!

Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person. 


Complex States At Being


Emotions can be incredibly complex states of being/mind.

I just want to be happyPeople (particularly in this western culture) are afraid to experience emotion due to heavy amounts of socialization and conditioning, especially in school. You know, we’re taught to sit still, to be quiet, to “use our inside voices”, to line up, to avoid disorder and be orderly, to obey, to submit, to share. To share, but not to cooperate. There is a difference. Sharing does not necessarily imply or guarantee cooperation. In school, sharing is a behavioral technique; used as a means to control the behavior of a room full of pinging (that is, naturally rambunctious and curious-minded) short beings.

Let me tell you a story: a sad story about a little girl who cried.

cry, baby, cryTo get to City Island one can walk across a 2,800 foot long truss bridge, which was exactly what I was doing when I spotted a brief exchange between a little girl and her father. The little girl’s father, pushing another child in a stroller, told the little girl to look around as well as look at all the fish visible in the River below. The little girl was throwing bread over the side of the bridge to the fish, and seemed very happy.

Later, having crossed the bridge, I was sat under a pavilion and saw the little girl and her family again as they were passing by. The little girl tripped over a rise in the structure of the sidewalk and fell very hard. So hard that I winced when I heard the sound. She immediately bawled, as I’m sure that hurt her terribly. Probably terrified at the pain, you know, she ran to her father for solace. . . and he admonished her. He yelled at her as he brushed the dirt from her clothes, “You gotta watch where you’re walking. You can’t be looking around while you’re walking!” He seemed actually angry with her that she tripped, an accident on her part, no intent to spoil his day whatsoever. She only cried harder asking then for her mommy. At this, her father really became angry and shouted, “That’s it! You’re going back to the car you can’t act right!”

Did you see the contradiction?

Just moments ago, on the bridge he was telling her to LOOK around, then minutes later punished her for doing exactly that. These are the kinds of happenings that disturb me in the world. What did that do to the mind of that little girl? How could she possible understand that kind of contradicting information from such a trusted and authoritative figure as her father? What was the impact upon her consciousness? What did she just unconsciously learn? How did that affect her ego? Her sense of self in the world she knows and how will that affect her sense of self in subsequent years?

Which brings me back to emotions and the horrors some humans have undergone. That suffering. What I think not many humans grok is that suffering can be soft, horror is not always large, it can be very subtle. . . like entropy, changing and developing small vibrations over time that then result in the current personality/identity of that child in the form of an adult.

The Girl Who Cried WolfWhat happened to that little girl is a subtle terror, an event that will accompany who knows how many more and will shape her as a human being. It’s systematic, to get children all to sit still or to behave as one being so it could be easier (or more efficient) for the teacher to educate them. A good idea, sure, but in actuality what happens is that the children become standardized. The spark, the inspiration for creativity and innovation and imagination breaks down because the channels created have no room for them, no means to categorize something as unpredictable as a room full of children all having ideas simultaneously.

This is one way that fear of emotion is installed in the collective consciousness. That fear to really let go and be fully in the space. . .

“. . . and I’m free, free falling.” ~Tom Petty, ‘Free Falling’

*Image credits (used with permission through CC license)–
“I just want to be happy” by bravelittlebird
“cry, baby, cry” by Barbara Pellizzon
“The Girl Who Cried Wolf” by GaelForce Photography

The tabula rasa


We have all wished for it, one time or another. What if we could forget all the bad things that happened? What if we didn`t have to feel all the pain? If we could erase all of it, would we do it? Some of you might have seen the movie eternal sunshine on a spotless mind, where the protagonist wants to erase the memory of his former lover, but discovers that he doesn`t want to, when the process has begun. I am a bit curious. What would you do, if given the choice?

Can our memories be edited, even turned off? Can we turn bad memories into good memories? MIT neuroscience lab rats, Steve Ramirez and Xu Liu, say yes. In fact, they’ve done it.

But what about the ethics of such science? They discuss that, too, in today’s featured TED talk


 To manipulate memory




The benefits of touch


Touch is good for us, we feel it on ourselves when getting a hug or a caress from someone we love. But did you also know that:

Institute of Touch of the University of Maiami shows that human touch has multiple natural and emotional benefits for people of every age or group.

  • Reduces pain
  • Improves the functionality of the lungs
  • Increases the development of babies
  • Reduces glucose in blood
  • Improves the functionality of the immune system
  • Human touch is important for every age but studies show that children that reach to the age of 18 receive at this age only the half of touching that they received in the previews years of their development.
  • Adults touch each other even less.
  • Babies who are nurtured with touching, gain weight much quicker and have high levels of intellectual and funtional development.
  • Adults as well need to touch each other but many times there are limits and fears related to our society.
  • Many times human touch is related to sexuality and this prevents people to continue touching out of fear.
  • Scientists have discovered that touch energizes cranial nevres and neurons and calm down the tachycardia and stress.
  • Also pressure and anger due to psycological reasons can be reduced dramatically through human touching.
  • The elders are touching each other even less and this is a characteristic of the older people.

Sources: Adoption.com: The Importance of Touch
The Importance of Touch in  Parent-   Infant Bonding
The New York Times: The Experience of Touch: Research Points to a Critical Role
Univeristy of Miami Touch Research Institute: General Information About TRI Research
Karger Gazette: The Importance of Touch