Tag Archives: Intrapersonal communication

My New, Beautiful Best Friend



Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… It’s about who came, and never left your side…

As amazing as it may seem, most of us do not treat ourselves properly. Even if we have become “civilized” enough to learn the right way to treat other people, most of us do not naturally know how to treat ourselves the way we ought to.

Think about it. What usually happens when you spill or drop something, especially in front of another person? Most people might feel embarrassed. Their face may begin to flush and turn red. But it is what goes on inside our heads that I am focusing on here.

If you are like me, the internal dialogue goes something like this. “Jerk! Why aren’t you more careful stupid? Look what you did, dummy!” Not exactly conversation we would have if we are trying to win friends and influence people, is it?

Yet we do not censor the way we talk to ourselves when something like this happens. Just imagine the type of self-talk most of us experience when it is something really significant like messing up royally on a major project.

Last year, Anya Strzemien, executive editor of HuffPost Style and HuffPost Home began a campaign in which Huffington Post donated a dollar to Girls Inc. every time a woman was overheard saying something positive about her appearance. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anya-strzemien/self-esteem-stylelist-tip-jar_b_1386305.html

Why do we put ourselves down so often?

The answer may have some gender-related variables. It is not surprising that according to many reports, women are much more likely to engage in negative self-talk more frequently than men. Even in today’s post-women’s lib world, little girls still are taught that their value is in their physical beauty and not their ideas or their thoughts.

Our society has an unbelievably narrow concept of beauty. And we tend to buy into it. I remember hearing Cindy Crawford say in an interview one time that even she doesn’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford!

We also equate beauty with age. This is a UBER huge problem, especially as so many of the women baby-boomers reach middle-age and late-middle-age. We’ve actually begun to redefine age with comments like “60 is the new 40.”

If you would like to learn to instantly become more beautiful and learn how to befriend yourself, try following these few steps:

1. Rather than focusing on your flaws, take a few minutes each day to take an honest look at yourself in the mirror.

2. Silence your inner critic. If you become aware of negative self-comments inside your head, acknowledge your inner critic and gently tell her that you can’t listen to what she has to say right now. Eventually, the negative inner critic will leave (at least temporarily.)

3. As you look at your reflection, think of small loving things about yourself. Maybe you can recall a small kindness you did for someone recently, or a phone call you made to a friend who was very happy to hear from you. Anything at all that makes you feel happy will do.

4. REPEAT step 1-3 frequently throughout the day.

You will not get rid of your flaws through this process. You will be more likely, however, to recognize them for what they are, human. You will be more able to keep them more balanced with the good, positive and beautiful qualities that you possess and this will start you on your journey of discovering your own new beautiful best friend!