Tag Archives: Honesty

Honesty: An a.m. Policy

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Morals

Morals

To tell you the truth, I’m going to tell you the truth about new research out of Harvard University regarding honesty. And if you’re looking for your best chances of getting a healthy dose of honesty from someone in your life, you need to confront the issue in the morning.

As odd as it might seem, the research determined that morals are an A.M. thing and people are more likely to lie and cheat as the day progresses. In fact, the research indicated up to 44% of an increase in lying later in the day than in the morning.

Time Passing

Time Passing

Maryann Kouchaki, Ph.D, the coauthor of the Harvard study found that as the day wears on, and we deal with normal activities, the amount of self-control the average person possesses is depleted. As this occurs, it is more likely they we will resort to behaviors that are dishonest and not hold up to the moral standards we start our day with.

A long time ago, I learned it is not good to make any major decisions if we are feeling too lonely, too tired or too hungry. With this in mind, it doesn’t surprise me that the study also found fatigue and hunger contribute to the descent of standards and morals we try to uphold. So, it is more likely that a person who is very tired or very hungry will lie, than one who has just eaten a balanced meal or had a good night’s sleep.

In a study last year performed out of the University of Buffalo, it was found that spending time with someone we like, can have a positive impact on our level of self control. Combining this with the Harvard research that indicates our self-control is triggered and depleted from a specific part of the brain that is ‘happy’ when it is well-fed and well-rested; and we can come up with a recipe for boosting self-control.

It seems sort of crazy when you play it out. Imagine a partner who is seriously considering cheating on their mate. I’m thinking a bowl of comfort-type-food like chicken soup or chili with a good friend and a twenty minute nap before noon, and their marriage can be saved!

But on the serious side, it does ring true to me that there is a type of energy we release to exhibit self-control and that this energy gets used up at times when we don’t keep up our supply. Just like the likelihood of catching a cold increases when our resistance is compromised, so it is that way with our moral compass and self-control.

People Eating Together

People Eating Together

So, sleep well, eat up, and surround yourself with good friends and people you like, and you’re likely to tell the truth more often and be a better person.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

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Things To Hide: How Honest Are You?

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Is anyone completely honest? Is it even possible for anyone to be that transparent? Or does everyone have, for whatever reason, at least a few things they hide?

It might be because they’re ashamed to share something, whether it’s something they’ve done or something they don’t like about themselves. Or it might be because it’s better for everyone else that they don’t reveal something: they saw something they shouldn’t have or they know something no-one else knows. I’m thinking about things that don’t harm anyone if these things aren’t revealed; so it’s no moral code that’s being broken here. The only thing that’s being broken is the ability of a person to wholeheartedly reveal all of themself to another person.

Of course, none of us can completely share everything with another person due to our brains being encased in our bodies at a ratio of 1:1. No matter how much you share and how well you share it, I will never be able to understand it or experience it the way you do. We have the gift of communication and as relational beings we can relate to each other, but I will never know if what I experience is exactly the same as what you experience, close though it may be. It’s the whole when I see blue you may be seeing purple scenario, and even if we both saw blue, we may be seeing different shades of blue and never know.

Excluding the limitations of the physical design of our bodies and things like time and memory, I wonder if there’s anyone who is known completely by another person. I naturally think of people who are married or who have been with someone for many years. I used to think going out with someone meant they would know everything about you. This terrified me and it was the reason I thought I’d never go out with anyone; not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t think I could share everything with another person. If a prerequisite for going out with someone was you had to tell them everything – as I thought it was – then I was doomed to be alone forever.

I’ve come to realize though, that even marriage doesn’t mean two people will know everything about each other. Sure, they will probably know each other more than any other person, but they’ll always be learning new things about each other. People can go into marriage thinking it will fulfil them because, “At last I will be known completely,” only to realize that’s not how it works. I’m okay with this. I know not to look for fulfilment from another person; that’s too high a pressure to put on someone.

I had a friend tell me, “It’s not like that,” when I told her my fears about having to share everything with a guy if we were to go out. This made me wonder, “Well, what is it like then?” Because as much as I feared having to share everything, I also desperately wanted to. In one way I was relieved that I don’t have to reveal everything, but in another way I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to be known by someone, and now I found out going out with someone and even marrying them wasn’t going to guarantee that. Was there no hope for me to be known?

This wouldn’t be an issue if I was honest with everyone and had nothing to hide. I wouldn’t have this need to be known and this desire to share everything if I was already known. And it is this that brings me back to my original question: is anyone completely honest? Or is it just me who feels like no-one truly knows me?

Maybe it’s okay to not reveal everything. Maybe it’s just a personality thing. Some people are open books; others keep things inside. I’m quiet and introverted so maybe that explains why the thought of sharing everything terrifies me and why I feel like no-one really knows me. This would all be fine except I have a need to be known. Is this something of the human condition that we all simply want to be known? And is this because we were made to be known? I don’t mean that we’re all made to be famous, just that people will know us for who we really are.

I don’t think it’s just a personality thing for me, though, because it’s only certain things I don’t feel I can share: things I’m ashamed of, things I don’t like about myself, my fears and insecurities. Do I have more of these things than other people, or do I just fear sharing them more than other people? I worry about what people will think of me. I worry they’ll think badly of me. I worry they’ll judge me.

But I want to share these things because if I don’t, no-one will ever truly know me. Maybe all the things I want to share don’t need to be shared, but I always thought if someone wanted to really know me, they’d want me to share everything. Maybe other people don’t think people are hiding anything, because they themselves don’t hide anything. I, on the other hand, know I hide things so I assume others hide things too and I want to know them. It matters to me.

I want to know people and I want them to know me.

Easy Weight Loss

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Weight Loss Ad

We have all been nothing less than inundated with advertisements and commercials about easy ways to lose weight. Everybody who is anybody, even those who have little or nothing to do with weight loss and healthful nutrition, have joined the multi-billion dollar bandwagon for quick and easy weight loss.

There are various times throughout the year when weight loss can be found more in the spotlight. Springtime is one of them because cold-weather comfort food eating is behind us, and swimsuit season is just around the corner. So, weight loss, once again, becomes the Holy Grail for many of us. There are countless new commercials on television and ads in newspapers aimed at filling our heads with hopes of transforming our out-of-shape bodies.

But here we are, months after our New Year resolutions and many of us have already resigned ourselves to yet another episode of frustration. We find ourselves facing yet another defeat in our battle against sustained, healthy weight-loss.

Why? What is it that makes for success for some of us and continued failure and frustrations for others? What tips for successful weight-loss have they found that we have not?

People tend to say that it is the diet or the weight-loss technique that fails or succeeds. This may be more than just a matter of semantics. Getting your head straight is perhaps the single most significant factor in successful, sustained weight-loss.

But, this is an intangible – something that isn’t formulated and put into a pill or beverage that can be marketed and boost sales. And we want quick results. We do not want to hear about all the work that it takes, over and over again. So, there is very little emphasis and attention put on mindset and the need to completely alter the way we look at ourselves and at food if we are in the market for successful, sustained, weight-loss.

Here are some of the main emotional and mental ‘ingredients’ we need to bring together if we are to reach our weight-loss goals and most importantly, to sustain them.

* Honesty
* Self-respect
* Consistency
* Tenacity
* Embrace/Rethink Setbacks

What does honesty have to do with weight loss? Well… EVERYTHING! If you need to lose more than 30 pounds and you have been overweight for a good part of your life, more than likely, you have learned to be dishonest with yourself and other people about your issues with food.

Gorging

Gorging

Many times, overeating is not the problem. It is the result of the other problems in our lives. We have inappropriately learned to use food as a method of coping with our feelings. We need to be brutally honest about ourselves, our lives and our relationship with food if we are to sustain weight loss and find lasting success.

Self-respect
and self-acceptance go hand-in-hand. We need to sincerely feel we are worth all the hard work and effort we are going to put into losing weight and becoming healthy. If we don’t really learn to love and feel good about ourselves, then our weight loss will only be temporary. We need to believe in ourselves and in our right to a healthy and rewarding life.

Consistency and tenacity are two more ingredients that go hand-in-hand. Consistency means you keep on keeping on. It is doing what has to be done – especially at times when we feel like not doing it. Tenacity is the determination and willingness to stay on track and even more importantly, to get back on track during those times that we may find ourselves being imperfectly human.

Setbacks are inevitable. We are human. We are imperfect. We will NOT be able to keep perfectly to our plan, no matter how much we may want to succeed. And the sooner we learn to live with that aspect of our own humanity, the more likely we are to handle the ‘bumps in the road’ along our way to sustained weight loss and keep them in proportion.

Weigh-in Scale

Weigh-in Scale

How do people lose weight and keep it off? By learning the truth about themselves and staying strong in their commitment to change their lives. They need to become healthy emotionally and mentally and keep putting one foot in front of the next once they find what works for them. They need to be flexible and willing to change things up, if something that worked before doesn’t work anymore. And most importantly, they need to internalize a new way of believing and thinking about themselves and the world they live in.

ABOUT ME

I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to u