Tag Archives: Emotional Intelligence

Moving Through E-Motions

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scared

So, what is so frightening about our feelings? What is it about intense emotions that cause us to go out of our way time and time again, in order to avoid dealing with them?

For whatever it’s worth, here’s my take. It is human nature to fear what we don’t know or understand. We don’t have to go far from our own developmental process to see this as fact. Children aren’t afraid of daylight – they are afraid at night, when it is dark. Because it is difficult to actually see things in the dark, our imagination kicks in and feeds our thoughts. (And, if you see a connection between the words imagination and image, you can link them together and come up with how our imaginations create images inside our heads all the time.) Another ‘factoid’ about human nature, is that we tend to imagine more of the worst than the best. Again, if we reflect on the way things are with young children, they imagine monsters under the bed not fairy princesses.

Having said that, what I believe is that when it comes to our feelings and emotions, we are likely to imagine them being much worse than they are in actuality. We blow them out of proportion and continue through the cycle of avoiding them because now, we are even more fearful of facing them than ever.

No Thinking

No Thinking

How do we stop the madness? Remind yourself we have not been told to think about our feelings. The suggestion is to get in touch with our feelings. We don’t touch with our brains. We need to feel our emotions, to experience them.

It has taken me a while to get it, but I finally understand this to mean I need to identify where in my physical body I am feeling the feeling; to acknowledge it being there; to breathe into it and stop resisting it, and to let it be. Amazingly, it doesn’t last forever. It dissipates and dissolves, eventually other feelings appear, and they move on too.

They are JUST feelings. They do not have any control over me that I am not willing to give up. They do not have any more power than anything else. They are not against me. They are for me to accept as part of who I am.

One of the neatest things about feelings that I’ve discovered, is that there is absolutely no such thing as wrong or right to them. They just are.

Meditation

Carve out 10 or 15 minutes to get to know your feelings today. As I heard said the other day “don’t just do something, sit there!”

I would truly love to hear how it goes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

A Second Time to Second That E-Motion

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Emotion Chart

Emotion Chart

The response to my highly E-Motional post from yesterday was quite overwhelming! Enough so, it motivated me to continue with a bit more on the topic. In other words, due to popular demand, I would like to introduce I SECOND THAT E-MOTION – Part 2.

There is something you may have heard about called our EQ. Our EQ is to our feeling and emotional aspect of ourselves as the IQ is to the intellectual, cognitive aspect of ourselves. It is gaining popularity as more and more people are beginning to realize how important it actually is for people to develop maturity in their emotional skills, which help us better understand, empathize and negotiate with other people. As our economy become more global, this is becoming more and more important because we need to carry this maturity with us as we cross continents and work and live more with diverse cultures and norms.

A person’s EQ determines how well you can understand other people, how to work cooperatively with them, and what motivates them.

Self-Awareness –
This is recognizing emotions in the moment, as they happen. It is the key to EQ. It takes practice and more practice because you need to tune into your true feelings, something many of us are very much out of touch with due to all the distractions our lives contain. The only way we can evaluate our feelings is by tuning into them first. Then after we evaluate them, we can set out to manage them. Self-awareness includes:

* Emotional awareness – Recognizing our own emotions and their effects.
* Self-confidence – Be sure about our self-worth and our capabilities.

Self-regulation. Very few of us have any say over when we experience emotions. We do, however, have a lot to say over the intensity of the emotion and its duration. There are a number of techniques we can learn to help anger, anxiety or depression. Utilizing various types of sensory techniques, meditating, praying, or even walking; all are methods for self-regulating. It involves:

• Self-control. Managing disruptive impulses.
• Trustworthiness. Maintaining high levels of honesty and integrity.
• Conscientiousness. Owning full responsibility for your actions.
• Adaptability. Being flexible and bendable, open to change and growth.
• Innovation. Accepting of new methods and ideas.

Motivation

Motivation

Motivation. Two things are necessary to succeed. Clear goals and a positive attitude. By being able to tune into negative thoughts right in the moment of their conception, reframing becomes more possible, improving chances to achieve goals. Components of motivation are:

• Achievement drive. The desire to keep improving or reach a level of excellence.
• Commitment. Staying in line with the goals that have been set forth.
• Initiative. Being ever-ready to act on all opportunities as they appear.
• Optimism. Seeing obstacles as stepping stones rather than setbacks.

Empathy.
Being able to tell how others are feeling based on relating and connecting to similar feelings in ourselves – brings us closer to others. The more empathetic one is, the more they are able to excel at:

• Service orientation. Anticipating, recognizing and meeting the needs of others.
• Developing others. Tuning into the needs of others to help them reach their fullest potential.
• Leveraging diversity. Finding common ground between varying cultures and individuals despite their differences.
• Political awareness. Being able to recognize levels of power and the relationships of people within a group.
. Understanding others. Discerning the feelings behind the needs and wants of others.

Social skills. Being able to relate to people from all walks of life on various levels becomes more and more valuable. There is value in being able to connect to others, it makes whatever encounters we have with them easier and more effective. These skills are invaluable:

• Influence. The ability to persuade others.
• Communication. Sending and receiving clear messages.
• Leadership. Inspiring and guiding groups and people.
• Change catalyst. Although it is something most people fear, being able to initiate and manage change is an invaluable skill.
• Conflict management. Understanding, negotiating and resolving disagreements.
• Building bonds. Nurturing relationships.
• Collaboration and cooperation. Working with others toward common goals.
• Team capabilities. Creating good feelings and systems within groups to reach goals.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

Harvard graduates in business demonstrate how important developing our EQ is for success in life. The more we know and learn about Emotional Intelligence, the happier we can be and more balanced of a life we can live.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

I Second That E-Motion

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Emotional Chart

Emotional Chart

Emotions are quickly becoming the focus of research in mental health fields. Where most of the focus has been on how people think (Cognition) and most recently behavior and outcome results (measurable and simply definable), there is an upcoming trend to study people and emotions.

Historically, emotions have been given a really awful rap. I can remember my father telling me from the time I was a little girl that I needed to let my head lead me, not my heart. His well-intentioned advice and the way he lived his life as well, totally devalued emotions.

Just the way our actions are ‘birthed’ in our cognition, emotions also provide a birthing ground for our behaviors. Many of our actions and behaviors are responses to how we feel. For a long time, emotions have not been looked at or given credence as a partner in human behavior.

Truthfully, not only may emotions be part of why many behaviors occur, in some instances, they are the strongest factor or maybe even the only reason for behavior.

Emotional Chartb

Emotional Chartb

Recognizing and controlling our emotions is one of the most valuable gifts we can provide ourselves with. Although many people avoid recognizing their feelings, when we choose to be courageous enough to face our feelings, we can:
• Gain control over the way we react to challenges
• Improve our communication skills
• Enjoy more fulfilling relationships

Our emotions are the foundations of us being able to understand ourselves and relate to other people. When we lose control of our emotions, we:

* Lose our ability to think clearly and creatively
* Lose our ability to manage stress and challenges life presents
* Lose our ability to communicate well with others
* Lose our ability to display trust, empathy and confidence

Loss of these skills produce confusion, isolation and negativity.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

Emotions are constantly ongoing, but the experience of each individual emotion does not last very long. In other words, we’re always feeling things, but if I become angry at something my husband said, that individual emotional response, in this case, anger; does not last much beyond 15 or 20 minutes at the most.

Becoming emotionally aware requires getting in touch with the feelings we are having in the moment, and understanding why we are experiencing it. It also involves being able to identify and express moment to moment feelings and to understand the connection between those feelings and our behavior.

When we connect to our own emotions and become more emotionally aware, we become better able to understand and empathize with what others are feeling. This is how we begin to isolate less and become more connected with others.

Emotional awareness involves:
• Recognizing your moment-to-moment emotional experiences
• Handling all of your emotions without becoming overwhelmed

It is always a good idea to have a support system in place – someone you can talk with and trust to share your experiences with. Self-help is wonderful, but, like everything else, has its limitations. By having a strong support system available, you’ll assure yourself an added cushion of comfort during the process.

This is a great place to begin getting our lives more in balance by becoming more aware and involved in our emotional selves.

It only gets better from here.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!