Tag Archives: Acceptance

Happy 2014

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Beatles

Beatles

I love the Beatles as much as the next guy; maybe even more. But current research clearly demonstrates that there is quite a bit more to Happiness than a ‘warm gun.

(For those of you who may not be up on your Beatle lyrics, I’m referring to a son, written by John Lennon, off their eponymous double-disc album “The Beatles,” also known as “The White Album.”)

I think attitude and perspective are major players in people’s lives, but many times it is way too easy to ignore our hard-wiring, our genetic make-up. It seems the happiness-DNA connection hasn’t gotten much of a voice, but in their article “Genetic Influences on Psychological Well-Being: A Nationally Representative Twin Study.” that appeared in April 2013’s Journal of Personality, researchers Thomas M. Olino,
C. Emily Durbin, Daniel N. Klein, Elizabeth P. Hayden and Margaret W. Dyson found that up to 50 percent of our happiness could be linked to the way we are ‘hard-wired.’

What makes happiness really difficult to pin down and research is how subjective it is, but researchers are far from throwing in the towel.

I’ve found some new and ‘quirky’ leads on happiness and for some reason they haven’t been given top billing. Being that I live in a part of the world where we still have two full months of winter ahead of us and last night’s temps reached below zero again, I for one, can use as much help and direction for pick-me-ups as I can find.

Here are five pieces of information about happiness I was not aware of, that I hope warm a cockle or two of your heart as well:

• A Degree of Happiness – 57.02 degrees Fahrenheit
According to a study out of Osaka University in Japan, the correlation between a person’s environmental temperature and happiness was researched. The winner, not the mild temps of tropical islands as once thought, but a milder, balmy 57.02 degrees was found to produce the highest number of happy people. I’m still have quite a way to go, but once we get through this artic freeze, its not as far away from 57.02 as say 70 or 75.
• Happy Music for our Happy Feet
Not only does listening to ‘happy’ music help elevate the mood, it also stimulates what scientists refer to as the “reward” part of the brain. I know we are being a bit subjective here when we say ‘happy’ music, but that goes with the turf. Lyrics and combinations of sounds are so varied this is likely to remain quite subjective. What is no longer subjective is the scientific backing.

Possum Sniffing Flowers

Possum Sniffing Flowers

• The Nose Knows
Dr. Jeannette Haviland-Jones, a professor of psychology at Rutgers University in New Jersey determined that there is a connection between happiness and floral scented odors. With the advances in fragrances available, we can sniff a little happiness into our day.
• Yes … Master
Remember that saying about being a ‘Jack of all trades but master of none?’ Well, according to a 2009 study, Jack would not have been a very happy boy. Although there is a certain amount of stress associated with pushing oneself to
master an activity, the long term benefit of knowing we really “got this”
(whatever the activity,) leads to feelings of happiness.
* Giving vs. Receiving
Its true…its true! A 2012 study confirms that both mean and women feel happier after purchasing something for someone else than when they buy something for themselves. Although there isn’t much more research other than confirming that
more people are happier giving gifts than receiving them, it will be interesting tosee what scientists find when they dig deeper into the whys and wherefores about this.

There are other new findings about happiness popping up through studies all the time. And without a doubt, the correlations between happiness (and other internal moods and emotions) and environmental stimuli (external factors) will grow as far as researcher’s imaginations can take them.

Humans may be simple on some level, but extremely unique and individualized on others. We are a combination of our hard-wiring (genetics or nature) and our environment (nurture). The discussion will continue through the ages.

Whatever the outcome of the study being conducted, we are human…we are made up of both, internal and external factors in various combinations. And there are many things we can do to improve our lives, make ourselves more of the people we want to become, reach our goals and fuller potentials.

Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer

The key to it all, for me, is found when we live what is known by millions as the Serenity Prayer. We ask for courage to change what we can (external, nurture) acceptance for who we are and for what is (internal, nature) and finally, the ability and wisdom to be able to know the difference so we can avoid the frustration and failures that come from trying to change things that are hard-wired and pretty much just the way they are.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

The Control of Change

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Controls

Controls

I find control is an interesting concept. It interests me because I don’t see myself as a Type A personality or a controlling sort, but with the mindfulness word I have been doing, I am becoming more and more aware of just how often I do indeed try to have things turn out my way.

I am not saying this makes me an awful person, on the contrary, I see it as a very human quality, to want to have things turn out our way. But the question then becomes how do we handle things when it doesn’t. How do we deal with rejection, with not getting things our way?

Do we just take it in stride? I like to think that I do just that, as a part of life on life’s terms and something that is what it is and therefore I need to deal with. But up until recently, I used to try and resist this reality at all costs. One of the most common reactions I found myself guilty of was blaming others in my life who are closest to me; not a very mature or pleasant quality for me to be proud to admit.

But, truthful nonetheless.

Boyfriend-Girlfriend

Boyfriend-Girlfriend

What I understand is that one of the first steps involved is in understanding what I truly am able to have control over and what I’m not. When I was a teenager, I remember having a crush on a senior who I wanted ‘love me in return’ in the worst way. He, on the other hand, didn’t feel the same. But I was not prepared to accept the truth of the situation. I wanted him to care for me and did not understand or accept that my continuing to try to get him to care for me would not change the situation. The reality was that I could do absolutely nothing, from involving myself as the assistant coach for the boy’s baseball team because he was on it, to changing my hair style, to losing weight…none of the changes I made in me, changed the result.

Change is a Process

The next step is being able to determine the difference between what I do have control over and what I might like to have control over, but do not. This was one of the most difficult things for me to learn and accept. AND it still is difficult. Some of the things that I want are things, like with everybody else, that do not happen. So, when I feel I am doing things differently to get them to happen, I easily begin to perceive other people as needing to do things differently as well – – – and why is that? In order for them to help me get my way.

In other words, I am not doing things differently at all – I still am working on getting things my way, not learning how to care for myself better at those times when things don’t go my way. As I said, I still struggle with this one from time to time, but I am more aware of it now than I’ve ever been. I am learning to make myself and my feeling frustrated at the outcome, my focus. I put my energy into taking care of myself and giving myself the permission I need to be upset and frustrated and still love myself even with the less than perfect reaction to disappointment and set-backs.

And by doing this, I care for myself in a more loving way and HAVE done exactly what I needed to do, change the things I truly do have control over; myself, my feelings and my reactions.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

The Changing Eye of the Beholder

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Elle Spain

Elle Spain

The fashion world and modeling industry are not my thing, and I rarely focus in on the names of the new faces that are gaining in popularity as they strut their stuff walking down the runways, but something new is on the horizon and I have a feeling it is here to stay, although it is LONG overdue.

Elle Spain’s current cover features a groundbreaking young cover model named Tara Lynn. The thing about her that caught my attention is that Tara Lynn is what is known as a plus-size model. She is currently around the 12-14 size range, but had been more of a 14-16 for most of her life.

Lynn has worked hard to be able to come to terms and accept her body as it is, something that is not shared throughout an industry filled with horror stories about the way women practically starved themselves to the point of causing harm to their overall health in order to look right for the upcoming shoot or to be able to produce the right effect for the clothing they were modeling.
Since she took her first steps forward in the movement of getting the modeling world to see the beauty if voluptuous women, Tara Lynn has fronted H & M’s “Big is Beautiful” campaign and has worked with amazing fashion photographers such as Patrick Demarchelier and Steven Meisel.

The good news is that it seems as if the tide is turning, slowly. Bigger women are becoming more and more accepted in the industry and curvier models are finding their legitimacy with photographers who are excited to do shoots in which they can capture the fuller look, especially since the girls are fit and able to do more with their bodies.

Plus Size Models

Plus Size Models

Admittedly, the differences in bodies with more fat on them makes it difficult to get clothing to look as right as the standard hanger thin model that is standard in the modeling industry. But it is not just clothing. There are cosmetics, shoes, perfumes, jewelry and other modeling gigs that only ultra thin models got in the past. And although it is a slow move in the direction of diversity in body looks and sizes, it is taking place.

Embrace Diversity

Embrace Diversity

The voice this tale carries to the world is that although ultra thin may always be preferred by designers for convenience purposes, beauty is much more permissible to be in the eyes of the beholder, even if the beholder isn’t marching to the beat of the same drummer that we have become accustomed to. No message should be touted out louder to young girls who struggle to accept themselves the way they are. We can work together to set a new standard that says diversity and individuality and uniqueness can be that new standard we all seek.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

Why Vs. How

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Why

Why


I’ve been doing some more work with emotional awareness and mindfulness. This is quickly becoming something that has a firm grasp on my interest and focus. And one of the things that I am zeroing in on is the difference between :

• Thinking about feelings
• Feeling the feelings

Historically, I am hugely analytic. Ask anyone who knows me. They will confirm that at some point or another, I have undoubtedly made them a bit crazy with my tendency to analyze and over-analyze anything and everything.

I can’t recall a time in my life when I didn’t try and understand why things happened the way they did. As I experienced life more, my need to understand why things happened gave way to understanding how things happened.

I believe the transition from why to how occurred because life taught me a bit about acceptance. Even as I write this now, it seems to me that why comes from more of a non-accepting place. I wanted to understand because I wasn’t content or accepting of what happened. A great example of this would be when you ask yourself or someone else “why did that person have to do that” In essence, by asking why we are also questioning why something else did not happen. It sounds extremely non-accepting to me.

Acceptance

Acceptance

But when I began to become more interested in how, I stopped asking why. By asking how, in essence I am saying that I accept it is happening this way or that it will happen this way, but I am looking to understand more about the process. I have accepted that there is nothing for me to do regarding whether it happens or not – but rather I can learn more about the occurrence.

If all this analyzing and thinking sounds like a lot of work, that is correct! I spent so much time thinking and over-thinking, analyzing and over-analyzing, that I left myself very little ability to feel anything. Lo and behold, there was an entirely different dimension to who I was that I knew practically nothing about. My emotional development suffered greatly due to the fact that I felt so much more comfortable in my intellectual self. It felt so much safer to me because that is where I had experienced success and established so much more familiarity.

I tried to break down one concept into a lot of words to assure readers can relate to where I’m going with this. We cannot bring ourselves into balance unless we allow all of who we are to develop; even the part or parts we are not comfortable facing.

Acceptance

Acceptance

Learning to become aware of the way I am feeling in the moment was not something comfortable for me – rather, it is something I avoided for a long time because of just how afraid of it I was. I had to do a lot of work on myself before I was ready to get there. But now that I have begun the process, there is nothing that makes me feel more complete and I choose to devote a part of my day practicing emotional awareness through practicing mindfulness – also known as ‘self-care,’ for the rest of my life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

The How To’s of Mindfulness

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Habits

Habits

If we wish to learn a new habit, there is much documentation to support that we need to spend approximately a month repeating the new behavior in order to get it to become routine in any way. We learn better slowly, giving our brains time to process and absorb and finally retain important pieces of information and behaviors that we wish to repeat and incorporate as part of our regular activities.

Having said that, mindfulness cannot truly be effective until it becomes a habit. And as we have stated earlier, mindfulness is something that we practice, allowing it to become more comfortable and familiar the more we practice.

Digging deep inside to learn more about who we are and what we feel takes determination and courage. Self exploration into the depths of our being means we will be confronting the sensations (feelings) associated with some of the most significant events we have faced in our lives. There are going to be intense emotions that will most likely come up.

Strong Emotions1

But if we choose to follow a path of mindfulness, we are willing to face them anyway. I strongly encourage anyone willing to follow this type of path of self-discovery to keep this in mind and take some time each day to recognize just how wonderful what you are doing is. Realize how brave you are being and praise yourself for taking these steps. I am 100% certain you would do at least as much for someone else if you learned that they were undertaking something like this.

Be gentle with yourself throughout the process. Make sure you have set up a system of support for yourself, a friend or two who you can talk to anytime about what you discover. You are looking for someone who will listen to your experiences and not judge or have their opinion over-ride your actions.

And please remember to continuously grant yourself permission to experience all the feelings you encounter without dwelling on them for too long. The purpose is to experience all your feelings, but not to get lost or stuck in them. And the glorious part of mindfulness is that you don’t have to stop feeling as you go through the rest of your day. You can do both at the same time. The trick is not to stay deep in the emotions. Just know they are there and validate them and feel them.

If what you find yourself feeling strongly is a sense of numbness, remember that is a feeling as well. Come face to face with your feelings as being a significant part of yourself (because they are) and breath through them, maybe even asking yourself when you first started having this feeling. No judging, no analyzing, just experiencing, learning and accepting.

Here is a small trial run you can try, starting today. If you place one of your hands on your stomach and the other on your chest and feel if your breath is shallow or deep, if you haven’t practiced anything like this before, you will more than likely find it is fairly shallow. If your hands move an inch or less when you inhale and exhale fully, your breathing is shallow.

Don’t get discouraged. Most people don’t breathe deeply. This is mostly because in our crazy world of multi-tasking, diversions and interruptions, we don’t take the time to even think about how we breathe. If we did, more of us would breathe deeper.

So, over the next week, make a point of becoming more present to your breathing throughout the day. I understand you will not be able to do this for hours on end. Gently bring your awareness back to your breathing from time to time throughout the day more often than you normally would.

Then see how far your hands move when you measure how shallow or how deeply your breathing is. If you’ve done this routinely for a week, you should find a significant increase in how deeply you breathe.

The reason for the change is because you have brought your level of awareness regarding your breathing to the forefront. You have become mindful of what your body is doing and the outcome is improved breathing.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness

This is how mindfulness works in all aspects of our lives. By becoming more in touch with what we feel and who we are, we improve it automatically.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

What is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) ?

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What is REBT?

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a form of psychotherapy and a philosophy of living created by Albert Ellis in the 1950’s.

 Rational Emotive Therapy - Albert Ellis

REBT (pronounced R.E.B.T. — it is not pronounced rebbit) is based on the premise that whenever we become upset, it is not the events taking place in our lives that upset us; it is the beliefs that we hold that cause us to become depressed, anxious, enraged, etc. The idea that our beliefs upset us was first articulated by Epictetus around 2,000 years ago: “Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them.”

The Goal of Happiness

 

Albert Ellis

be1d6c6b1cf824a95ec193999e4db680According to Albert Ellis and to REBT, the vast majority of us want to be happy. We want to be happy whether we are alone or with others; we want to get along with others—especially with one or two close friends; we want to be well informed and educated; we want a good job with good pay; and we want to enjoy our leisure time.

Of course life doesn’t always allow us to have what we want; our goal of being happy is often thwarted by the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” When our goals are blocked, we can respond in ways that are healthy and helpful, or we can react in ways that are unhealthy and unhelpful.

The ABC Model

Albert Ellis and REBT posit that our reaction to having our goals blocked (or even the possibility of having them blocked) is determined by our beliefs. To illustrate this, Dr. Ellis developed a simple ABC format to teach people how their beliefs cause their emotional and behavioral responses:

A. Something happens.
B. You have a belief about the situation.
C. You have an emotional reaction to the belief.

For example:

A. Your employer falsely accuses you of taking money from her purse and threatens to fire you.
B. You believe, “She has no right to accuse me. She’s a bitch!”
C. You feel angry.

If you had held a different belief, your emotional response would have been different:

A. Your employer falsely accuses you of taking money from her purse and threatens to fire you.
B. You believe, “I must not lose my job. That would be unbearable.”
C. You feel anxious.

#rational #emotional #opinion #facts #evidence #democrats #obamaThe ABC model shows that A does not cause C. It is B that causes C. In the first example, it is not your employer’s false accusation and threat that make you angry; it is your belief that she has no right to accuse you, and that she is a bitch. In the second example, it is not her accusation and threat that make you anxious; it is the belief that you must not lose your job, and that losing your job would be unbearable.

The Three Basic Musts

Although we all express ourselves differently, according to Albert Ellis and REBT, the beliefs that upset us are all variations of three common irrational beliefs. Each of the three common irrational beliefs contains a demand, either about ourselves, other people, or the world in general. These beliefs are known as “The Three Basic Musts.”

1. I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.
2. Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly, and in exactly the way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and they deserve to be condemned and punished.
3. I must get what I want, when I want it; and I must not get what I don’t want. It’s terrible if I don’t get what I want, and I can’t stand it.
The first belief often leads to anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt. The second belief often leads to rage, passive-aggression and acts of violence. The third belief often leads to self-pity and procrastination. It is the demanding nature of the beliefs that causes the problem. Less demanding, more flexible beliefs lead to healthy emotions and helpful behaviors

Disputing

The goal of REBT is to help people change their irrational beliefs into rational beliefs. Changing beliefs is the real work of therapy and is achieved by the therapist disputing the client’s irrational beliefs. For example, the therapist might ask, “Why must you win everyone’s approval?” “Where is it written that other people must treat you fairly?” “Just because you want something, why must you have it?” Disputing is the D of the ABC model. When the client tries to answer the therapist’s questions, s/he sees that there is no reason why s/he absolutely must have approval, fair treatment, or anything else that s/he wants.

Insight

Albert Ellis and REBT contend that although we all think irrationally from time to time, we can work at eliminating the tendency. It’s unlikely that we can ever entirely eliminate the tendency to think irrationally, but we can reduce the frequency, the duration, and the intensity of our irrational beliefs by developing three insights:

We don’t merely get upset but mainly upset ourselves by holding inflexible beliefs.
No matter when and how we start upsetting ourselves, we continue to feel upset because we cling to our irrational beliefs.
The only way to get better is to work hard at changing our beliefs. It takes practice, practice, practice.

Acceptance

Emotionally healthy human beings develop an acceptance of reality, even when reality is highly unfortunate and unpleasant. REBT therapists strive to help their clients develop three types of acceptance: (1) unconditional self-acceptance; (2) unconditional other-acceptance; and (3) unconditional life-acceptance. Each of these types of acceptance is based on three core beliefs:

Unconditional self-acceptance:

I am a fallible human being; I have my good points and my bad points.
There is no reason why I must not have flaws.
Despite my good points and my bad points, I am no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being.
AcceptanceUnconditional other-Acceptance

Other people will treat me unfairly from time to time.
There is no reason why they must treat me fairly.
The people who treat me unfairly are no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being.

Unconditional life-acceptance:

Life doesn’t always work out the way that I’d like it to.
There is no reason why life must go the way I want it to
Life is not necessarily pleasant but it is never awful and it is nearly always bearable.

REBT Today

Clinical experience and a growing supply of experimental evidence show that REBT is effective and efficient at reducing emotional pain. When Albert Ellis created REBT in the 1950’s he met with much resistance from others in the mental health field. Today it is one of the most widely-practiced therapies throughout the world. In the early days of REBT, even Dr. Ellis did not clearly see that consistent use of its philosophical system would have such a profound effect on the field of psychotherapy or on the lives of the millions of people who have benefited from it.

Shameless Happiness

This introduction to REBT is based on Shameless Happiness, a concise booklet that outlines the basics of REBT.

About The Author:

Will Ross — is the webmaster and co-founder of REBTnetwork.org; he tutors REBT self-helpers and is the author and publisher of online REBT self-help materials.

 

Self-Determination

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Self-Defining Moments

Self-Defining Moments

What defines us? Such a brief set of words put together to form a question that carries with it such depth and contemplation.

The complexity of how we impose meaning to ourselves and our existence is quite amazing! There more than likely are as many different responses to the question of how we define ourselves as there are people who contemplate the question itself.

And, I imagine that if we think about it long and hard enough to come up with an answer of how we define ourselves, that the answer is changes based on how we feel, think and perceive our lives at the time. It is something that transitions as we develop at different times in our lives.

I also have to wonder how many people live their entire lives and never really give this much of a thought whatsoever (although I have to say I have a hard time connecting with people who never care at all about such things.)

On the other hand, I don’t think it is the type of thing that we should plague ourselves with either. It follows the same type of thinking as what you might say if you were to write your own eulogy. Or even more concisely, what you would choose to say on your tombstone….almost like a life’s mission statement.

I know there are things that matter very much in my life. Some of these things matter more than other and as I stated earlier, these things change over time, either becoming more important or maybe even having mattered very much once, but losing significance – maybe not even mattering at all anymore.

The question then becomes do the things that matter to me very strongly define me? And I have to say that although it may feel that way much of the time, it is not what defines me.

I know many people who act as if the things they have define them. My sister remembers when and where she purchased each and every single article of clothing she owns. She can also catalog where she has worn the item and maybe even how much she paid for it. But if I could ever get her to think it through (she doesn’t really go into heavy philosophical issues much) she most likely would not say that her material possessions define her.

Our family of origin is a huge piece of how we become who we are – we obtain our “title” or name here – something we link to our definition – but I don’t think we ARE our family of origin or our family history. It is where we come from, which is a piece of our existence, but not the definition of who we are.

I may actually have to face this over time – where I’m not pushing at an answer but rather letting one evolve. I have been feeling more of an acceptance with things like this as I age. The me of a while ago would probably harp on this until I came up with something I could convince myself was a definitive answer.

To Thine Own Self

To Thine Own Self

But now I know that would be a delusion – something I refer to as ‘misthinking.’ I may even end up accepting the fact that I might not know the answer to this one – boy oh boy, is that ever a change from the me of a while ago who felt the need to be able to understand and come up with an answer to “everything.”

I guess, for now, I’m okay with just forming the question and getting this far on it – – –

Any takers?

ABOUT ME

I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

The Birth of Forgiveness

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Promise of Forgiveness

Promise of Forgiveness

We can all relate to being hurt. Life poses many challenges along with its splendor and joy and one of the most difficult things humans have to deal with, is pain and suffering. There is pain and suffering associated with the loss of someone close to us either through death, abandonment, divorce, or even natural events such as when people we care about move away. There is pain when people argue and have disagreements.

Many times, our feelings get the best of us and people say or do things that hurt each other. And, as the lyric in the song goes, ‘you always hurt the ones you love.’ Maybe not always , but pretty often the people we tend to let our guard down around are the people closest to us, so it is very likely that they will be the ones that get hurt the most when we lose our temper and lash out.

There are a few common responses to pain and suffering. Sadness is one of them. Sometimes, when people are hurt, they just feel very sad, have a good cry if they are emotionally free enough to do so, feel better because they let the sadness out, and move on. But not too many of us are that stable emotionally all the time. For some of us, having to deal with pain and suffering brings up fear. We are actually afraid to feel the pain and the hurt, and emotionally bypass the true feelings, shifting quickly into fear. Anger is another feeling that is triggered by pain and suffering. It is fairly common for people to become angry very quickly when they feel hurt. The desire to get even and cause someone else pain is very strong in many people and a very common reaction to the pain and suffering they themselves, feel.

Why Forgive

And all of these negative, dark feelings have been proven to do some pretty extensive damage, not only to anybody we lash out at in our attempts to unload our own negative feelings, but even more so, it damages us! By holding onto these negative emotions, you can bring anger and bitterness into all your relationships and future experiences. The more we hold onto the negative feelings, the more power they have over us and we become wrapped up in them and we cannot enjoy the present. Some people get so consumed by these feelings, they become depressed or anxious and even lose their real purpose and connection to life.

Healing of Forgiveness

Healing of Forgiveness

Enter forgiveness, the decision to allow resentment and revenge to lessen their hold on us so we can continue to focus on more positive parts of our lives again. Some people are so successful with forgiveness that they can actually develop compassion and empathy for the people that hurt them. Forgiveness is not denying that the other person hurt you. They are still totally responsible for their actions that caused you hurt and pain. Forgiveness doesn’t justify any wrongdoing on their part of minimize how hurtful or wrong their behavior may have been. Do not confuse forgiveness with excusing.

Forgiveness is a healer to the pain and suffering that miraculously helps us move through these difficult times back into focus of where we wish to go.

ABOUT ME

I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!