Category Archives: Pain

The Therapeutic Alliance: The Essential Ingredient for Psychotherapy

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umbrellas

 I am currently writing on the ‘therapeutic alliance’ – its relation to mindfulness, psychotherapy, understanding, and ‘being listened to…’   What follows is an interesting article that I came across that may interest some of you…

Excerpt:

Have you ever tried to change the way you do something? It could be anything — the way you hold your tennis racket, blow into a flute, meditate — you name it. If so, think about that experience. No matter how motivated you were to change, and no matter how much you knew that it would help your serve, musicality, or sense of inner peace, it can be difficult and scary to change even the smallest thing. In order to change, you have to give up your old way of doing something first and then try the new way. That means that for a while you’re in a free fall — you no longer have your old habit to rely on and you don’t yet have the new one.

The anxiety of trying to change something as complex and entrenched as how you relate to people close to you or manage stress takes the feeling to a whole new level. Yet, that’s just what you do when you enter psychotherapy. Just as you had to put yourself into the hand of your teachers and coaches, in therapy you need to gradually do just that with your therapist to help you through what can be a harrowing adventure. The foundation for therapy is called the therapeutic alliance (1, 2). When it’s there, you know that your therapist is there to help you, no matter how hard the going gets.

The therapeutic alliance might be the most important part of beginning a psychotherapy. In fact, many studies indicate that the therapeutic alliance is the best predictor of treatment outcome (3-5).

See entire article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-l-cabaniss-md/therapeutic-alliance_b_1554007.html

 

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ReMoved

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ReMoved

In Uncategorized on March 9, 2014 at 9:06 am

I woke up this morning to this lovely short film in my inbox. A sweet friend, who has devoted her professional life to therapeutic foster care issues, sent it along with the words, “Shelley: for those days you wonder ‘why’.”

I’m unsure of how the makers of this film so completely understand the path of a foster child, but I suspect at least one of them has shared the path of this little girl. This film is especially poignant for me, because my children came to me one at a time, which will resonate once you’ve seen the film. Please view and share. My heart is full of tears and love for these artists.

 

A mad world A diagnosis of mental illness is more common than ever – did psychiatrists create the problem, or just recognise it?

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Unfortunate Events

When a psychiatrist meets people at a party and reveals what he or she does for a living, two responses are typical. People either say, ‘I’d better be careful what I say around you,’ and then clam up, or they say, ‘I could talk to you for hours,’ and then launch into a litany of complaints and diagnostic questions, usually about one or another family member, in-law, co-worker, or other acquaintance. It seems that people are quick to acknowledge the ubiquity of those who might benefit from a psychiatrist’s attention, while expressing a deep reluctance ever to seek it out themselves…

…While a continuous view of mental illness probably reflects underlying reality, it inevitably results in grey areas where ‘caseness’ (whether someone does or does not have a mental disorder) must be decided based on judgment calls made by experienced clinicians. In psychiatry, those calls usually depend on whether a patient’s complaints are associated with significant distress or impaired functioning. Unlike medical disorders where morbidity is often determined by physical limitations or the threat of impending death, the distress and disruption of social functioning associated with mental illness can be fairly subjective. Even those on the softer, less severe end of the mental illness spectrum can experience considerable suffering and impairment. For example, someone with mild depression might not be on the verge of suicide, but could really be struggling with work due to anxiety and poor concentration. Many people might experience sub-clinical conditions that fall short of the threshold for a mental disorder, but still might benefit from intervention.

See link for interesting article on psychiatry…and bits about the importance of psychotherapeutic intervention…

http://aeon.co/magazine/being-human/have-psychiatrists-lost-perspective-on-mental-illness/

Does abuse define a career path?

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DOES ABUSE DEFINE A CAREER PATH?


DEPRESSION

Does abuse define a career path?

One of the enduring questions of human development and behaviour is why we take the paths that we do. What influences us in our choice of partner, profession, lifestyle and other things that make us who we are? This is a deep and complicated question even if a “good enough” upbringinghas been experienced but even more so when a history of abuse and/or dysfunctional parenting has prevailed. In this case, whenlackingthe foundation of security, how do abused children make their way in the world, seemingly dragging a ball and chain with them? A book I recently reviewed may offer some clues and answers to this.The book in question is  “Strong at Broken Places” by Linda TSandford.The basis of the book are the stories of twenty child abuse survivors who figured that “the best revenge is living well”. Prevailing over a childhood of sexual and physical abuse, neglect, parental substance abuse and witnessing domestic violence, Linda Sanford asked them to look back and help us all understand how they fared so well. One of the first popular books on resiliency, Strong at the Broken Placeswas written for every survivor, friend, family member, mentor or helping professional who seeks the path towards self-forgiveness and healing. 

Linda T Sandford spent most of time while writing her book explaining why she believes that abuse does not necessarily jump generations and the patterns of the past can be broken by survivors. This is often not the case when survivors of abuse choose a career path. It can be said that some abuse victims find their way in the working world because of the abuse and not in spite of it. Sandford eloquently uses a quote from Freud to start her reasoning: “there are two pillars of healthy life, love and work” It appears from Sandford’s research that many who could not find love, threw themselves into the other, making work the focus of their life.

In a normal family, parents are considerate and understanding with their children. They allow a child to be happy, responsible, creative and love is given and accepted by both sides. The child does not need to prove anything or work hard for the parent to love them and love is unconditional. In troubled families, abusive parents expect children to “do” for them in a spirit of “you are not good enough to love, you have to earn it”. Children, often thinking that this conditional love is better than none, “do” for their parents, becoming little “mothers, fathers, husbands or wives”.  This lead Sandford to the following conclusion: in contrast to the stereotype painted by society that abuse victims are “underachievers”, many excel at work, maybe because this work ethic is instilled in them through the abuse itself. This success in the workplace is usually not turned into the self-esteem that one would imagine. Many survivors point to the fact that work gives them a place “to belong”, either mirroring early family life helping siblings or parents or giving them something that they had never experienced before. Sandford states clearly that for many abuse victims, work is a manifestation of her theory of “looking good on the outside”.

It is then not surprising that abuse survivors often choose careers that have some relation to the abuse they suffered. Concerning this point, there is a widely held prejudice that due to the abuse, abuse victims careers are somewhat chosen for them through the conditioning experienced by the abusive parent. For example, if an abused child finds comfort in the animals or plants, many believe that this would drive them to be vets or horticulturalists. Sandford’s research did find, however, that many abuse victims end up in the helping professions, ranging from nurses to therapists. Through abuse and neglect, many survivors had to take on responsibility for the care of siblings and indeed parents from a young age and also have an ability to anticipate inappropriate behavior. Characteristics needed in abundance when helping others.

Jen • 1 year ago

Have you experienced abuse?
YesNoDon`t want to sayEmotional AbusePhysical abuseSexual abuseOther:

For many survivors, the world of work is a meaningful place. Many abuse victims were brought up in poverty and working hard is a way of providing financial security. Many of the sample interviewed were self-employed in some way to avoid working “for” someone and many saw work as a way “offering social contact but without the need to show vulnerabilities or bare one’s soul”. Many survivors were by their own admission, workaholics, stating that this addiction was “more socially acceptable” and is “rewarded by society” bringing a sense of “self worth” to what they are doing. Sandford states clearly that balance in life is vital. What worked as a child, that is working hard to achieve, rarely works as an adult and many survivors use this “busyness” as a shield for depression. Sandford finishes by saying that she believes that “being should stand proudly next to doing and working”.

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a Counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals, couples,  groups and companies globally. Online therapy is, in my experience, effective for treating a number of major conditions. Are you having issues that you need to talk through? I have a range of plans that can help you get the help you need.  Online Therapy details : Here ……

The world we long to see

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Sometimes its enough: We can`t keep bowing our heads in shame when we need to scream out. 2014.

Thanks to  and Monty

Les miserables gave us “Do You Hear the People Sing?”. The song never fails to awaken hope in me, and I`m probably not the first or last one, either.  I believe that the world can change. If we work for it and gather our strength, it can even be the world we dream off.  Barricades may rise and fall but the crux of the world never changes. Remember: “There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes!”


How would you answer this question: 
“Beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?”

I know I`ll fight, no matter if others don`t. I`m even ready to fall, because I know how I`d feel if I didn`t follow my heart. I`ve always been like that, and I haven`t regretted anything, yet. Misery and tough times are at the heart of happiness.

It`s the rose afraid of dying, that never seems to live

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Some people I love:

More:

Inspired from Gandhi

The battle of kindness is the only way.
There is no way to peace

@ninjafighter

                                Les miserables (World Literature) from Sarah Cru

The sound of goodbye: Last scene

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The last scene

If you ask people: What do you regret most? The things you did or the things you didn`t do, they answer, with longing, the things they  didn`t do. When looking back, the things you didn`t say or do, linger on. The silence can speaks so loud and haunt you in the quiet night. Luckily, many have tought me this valuable lesson, and today I can`t thank them enough. When the bridge bridge collapsed under my feet, they stood there as I rebuilt it, stone by stone. I didn`t always realize it since fog hid their beautiful faces, but I always recognized them in the end. They saved me enough to see and take an outstretched hand when I needed it.

Some didn`t have pillars of safety to stand on when they built their lives. So what about them? What about those who couldn`t let their tears flow when they wanted? How can I ever compare my experiences to that? The lack of scaffolding must feel like swimming without seeing land. “True”, you might say, but this can bring out incredible strength in people. “True”, I`d answer with a sad voice. “But it still drains their energy for such a long time”. “And what about those who lose their lives in the effort? How many had to let go right before they reached the shore?

I have no answers, but I do have my ability to ask since they didn`t take that away from me. My gift is to give back what I got to show my appreciation and gratitude. I`ll promise to give as much as I got with the warmth of this truth energizing me forever.

Who knows? One day one of them might feel as touched as me when I stretch out my hand and they take it. What if they one day get the chance to think like I do? In an integrative blender my thoughts and feelings have intermingled until this simple truth came out: If this isn`t nice, then I don`t know what is.

m6

Weekly Writing Challenge: Golden Year

Sugababes – Sound Of Goodbye

High suicide rates

Psychology Today

Mirrorgirl

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The Shopping Experience for the SchizoAffected Mind

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The Shopping Experience for the SchizoAffected Mind

“It is advertising and the logic of mass consumerism that governs the depiction of reality in the mass media.” ~Christopher Lasch

As someone with SchizoAffective Disorder, there are certain aspects of socialized living that the SchizoAffected mind is unable to fathom and finds horrifying, terrifying and can result in a psychotic episode. One of such experiences, is spending a day shopping or patronizing too many stores, or running too many errands that can involve customizing too many stores. The Shopping Mall is simply out of the question. Also, the SchizoAffected Mind lives a non-druginduced psychadelic experience daily, as such, exposure to bright, flourescent lights, muzak, commercials playing at subvolume, muted and neuromarketed designs on the floors, ceilings, walls and layout of stores can result in information and sensual overload.

This is my experience of shopping.

The following sound painting (what I call the music/mixes/soundscapes I create) is an attempt to describe and illustrate the internal and psychic experience when I must visit a store. The beginning illustrates the first feelings of anxiety that quickly metamorph into an attempt to squelch the anxiety and just try to get through the act of choosing the items needed in order to exit the store as quickly as possible. As someone who also has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I often worry that I will be blamed for shoplifting, even though I have not, which causes me to walk about the store with my hands in my pockets or behind my back or up my shirt sleeves. The middle of the piece illustrates the dreadful feeling that slowly creeps in and the sort of sickly childish feeling of behaving like this, but being unable to stop it (hence the horror-like, chilling childrens’ theme). Once the psychosis begins to set in, the SchizoAffected mind begins to unravel and to shatter at the overload (hence, the noise, experimental music) as the end of the song approaches, and can feel as if the mind is trapped in a twisted game (which brings feelings and thoughts of paranoia).

 

(If the soundcloud player does not show up in your browser, here is the direct link).

QOTD Terence McKenna*Source

*Image Credit (used with permission through CC license and fair use):
“1964. . . check out the check out!” by James Vaughn

Pretending to be happy

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I wanted to share finding my inner courage`s latest post, since I find her incredibly brave in what she does. Living in excruciating pain is more than anyone can imagine, but still, she goes through it. The strength it takes to smile when all you want to do is cry out in agony, is immense. I send my best wishes, and cross my fingers for more pain-free moments in the future. You are a star.

Nina, psychologist

Pretending To Be Happy

15TuesdayOct 2013

Posted by  in BLOGS

≈ 7 Comments

Determinant of the circumstance, a lot of times it is heavily beneficial for me to keep a smile on my face, even though the emotional or physical pain that I am experiencing is weighing me down.

It takes more strength to be able to keep a smile on my face and to keep moving forward towards my goals, than it does to let a serious emotional or physical wound affect me, but what would life be without its challenges? Whether I choose to believe it or not staying positive and keeping a smile on my face is infectious, my positivity will infect everyone around me as will my negativity.

I must choose at times of extreme pain to be strong and make sure no one sees my pain!

Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person.