Author Archives: Juni Desireé

About Juni Desireé

Hi, I'm JD, a 31 year old Aussie with a notebook, a camera, and a set of pencils. I love learning from everything but especially from books, songs, movies, nature, and deep conversations. I also love to express myself creatively from the heart.

Don’t Wallow

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I just read a great article by my favourite author, Donald Miller at his Storyline Blog.

It was about not giving into self-pity, and he gave the example of an Olympic ice skater who knew how to not wallow in his mistakes. You can’t wallow when you’re performing in a competition and make a mistake. You have to pick yourself up quick smart and keep going even when it feels so demoralizing to fall.

This lesson can be applied to life. We’re gonna make mistakes, we’re gonna fail and fall regularly. We’re gonna have cause to to feel self-pity and wallow. But don’t be consumed by it, because it stops you from getting on with what you’re supposed to be doing.

I know when I do something stupid, I can cut myself up about it for ages. This doesn’t help anything at all. So there’s no use wallowing in it and thinking I’m the worst of the worst.

No, I learn my lesson. I made a mistake, I learn from it, and then I move on.

When I don’t move on and I wallow, it cripples me. I beat myself up and I become ineffective because I feel like I’m no good and have nothing to offer. I get consumed by my wallowing thoughts.

There’s no point.

I know.

I’ve done both. I’ve wallowed over a mistake and felt terrible for ages; and I’ve controlled my mind to stop dwelling on it and move on with the lesson I learnt.

I can tell you it took a lot of effort to control my mind because it naturally wanted to wallow, but I was so much better for it when I didn’t give into it. I wasn’t crippled, I wasn’t wasting time worrying when there was nothing I could do, and I could continue on with life and focusing on things that did matter.

Why I risk rejetion

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A post I wrote at my other blog. A young autistic boy gave me a special gift and a memorable lesson.

Write to Wrestle

gift 001

I had an interesting morning. Almost cried.

I’m a person who just wants to know people and be their biggest fan. I’m new in this town and as an introvert I find meeting people hard. I don’t do small talk well and I can make any social situation awkward for me and other people. But I know I have to put myself out there to meet people and I want to get to know people and hear their stories.

Sometimes it all goes well and we chat. Other times, like today, almost everyone I tried to talk to brushed me aside. It was like they put up walls and didn’t want to know me.

It got me thinking. Am I going about this the wrong way? Am I too pushy trying to get to know people? Am I expecting too much? Should I back off?

And I wondered if I…

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Useful in our weakness

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One of the things I’ve learnt is our weaknesses, brokenness and realness can be used.

I used to think being broken and weak was something to be steered clear of. But I’ve found it’s often in my weakness, brokenness and realness that I connect best with people, inspire people, and help people deal with the very things I struggle or struggled with.

People appreciate empathy and compassion. They appreciate being understood. They appreciate knowing others have gone through the same things they have. I know I appreciate all these things in my struggles and it’s often through weaknesses and brokenness that we develop these things.

Just knowing you’re not alone in something is the most comforting thing.

So I’m encouraged by weakness because it can be used. We are not worthless or useless in our weakness. We don’t have to hide our weaknesses or ourselves. Be seen, share out that weakness with a caring heart that wants to lift others up; it is a beautiful thing.

And it is needed. We all have different weaknesses. Let not one person feel alone in theirs. Let not one person feel useless in theirs.

Sometimes it’s in our openness, our honesty and vulnerability – when we are weak – that we can be a strength to others.

Own Your Personality

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There’s something about myself it took me a while to understand.

When I read my enneagram personality profile (number 1), I knew most of it was pretty spot on. I’m a perfectionist with high standards and morals. There was one thing I didn’t get though: this reformer and advocate stuff. What was all that about?

Detailed freak and nit-picky perfectionist is me to a T, but reformer? Me? I always thought of myself as passive, a follower, someone who doesn’t rock the boat, and the most cautious person in the world. So, the image of reformer I had in my mind didn’t match up with what I knew about myself.

But over the years I’ve come to understand this side of myself more and can see how I really am a reformer, in spirit if not in action – yet.

See, with my high standards and morals, they are most definitely for me (I’m my own worst critic and place higher standards on myself than others) but I’ve always thought others should have high moral standards too. I never impose my standards on others so that’s why I thought I wasn’t much of a reformer. But my desire is for others to have high moral standards because I believe the world would be a better place with them – if everyone treated each other with compassion and respect, for example, I can’t see anything bad there.

I’ll never impose my standards on others, but I’m ever hopeful that everyone would have the morals of looking after each other and caring for the world we live in.

See, I believe in people. And my desire to see people be all they can be, to live their dreams, and to treat each other well is something that has always been in me. I want all people to know they are worthy. I want all people to show others that they are worthy.

What the enneagram did for me was articulate something I always had in me that I didn’t fully understand. I don’t really know why I believe in people despite all the horrible things people can do, but it seems that it’s in my personality to believe in them no matter what. Because I do. Not everyone has this relentless belief in all people, especially when the evidence suggests otherwise, and I’ve sometimes felt guilty about my belief. But I still can’t help what I believe.

With this understanding, I’ve been able to embrace this part of my nature and things just seem that little bit clearer in my life. I’m becoming more intentional and active in what I believe about people and it’s given me an even bigger sense of purpose and a feeling of this is part of what I’m meant to do.

I love it when people own their personality – which can only come from understanding it and using it for good. I’m owning this reformer side of my mine.

This is just another example of how understanding personality through the tools of personality tests/profiles has helped me.

I’ll always advocate the personality test because I believe it can help people. And I believe in people!

Attitude and Perspective Matters

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The attitude and perspective we have has a big effect on our emotions, ability to learn, and ability to succeed.

I’m a terrible actress. I don’t like people’s eyes looking at me, I don’t like being on stage, I hate public speaking, I’m terrible at improvisation, and I go blank. But every year I  have to act at least once at a family holiday program I’m part of. I get very nervous and anxious during rehearsals and just before going on stage if I have a large speaking role. (If I can be a clown or someone who mimes, I have a ball on stage!)

But there was one year I had a large speaking role that I had to memorize. I was freaking out! One of my friends heard me mutter that I couldn’t do it over and over. He did the best thing. He had me stop muttering and had me focus on him.  He said with authority that if I told myself I couldn’t do it, I stopped myself from succeeding right there. When he told me this I knew he was right. I defeated myself with my own perspective and attitude. I had to change it. I didn’t feel any better about it and I didn’t know if I could do it, but I knew I had to stop thinking I couldn’t do it.

I stopped telling myself I couldn’t do it and just focused on remembering the words. And guess what, I delivered the monologue to a T.

I was with an older person today and he’s not very computer literate. The whole time we were talking about computers he said he couldn’t do it and that he’d never figure it out. He got angry at the rate of changing technology, blaming it for the problems he faced with it.  But instead of getting angry, I thought all he needed was a change of perspective and attitude. Instead of wasting all that energy thinking he’d never get it and being angry over it, he could use that energy to really focus and learn the new technology.

I think part of the key is to stop focusing on how bad things are and how much you don’t like them. I don’t like acting, this guy didn’t like new technology. They are difficult things for us that we have to get used to. But there’s no point getting worked up about it and fighting it trying to get your own way. Separate yourself from it a little and get a different perspective. Embrace it with a different attitude. Learn what you need to know. It might be hard and a lot of work, but try.

Having the right attitude and perspective means you’ll have the discipline, commitment and focus to at least give it your best go.

I have a friend who was never any good at school and hates studying. The problem is she can’t get anywhere with the career she wants without studying. I think she can study and get to where she wants to be, but she thinks she’s a lost cause in that area. She’s defeated herself right there. She doesn’t even want to try, because her attitude and perspective won’t let her.

To give it a go, get the right attitude and perspective.

You might not be able to do whatever it is you want and/or need to do, but if you tell yourself you can’t do it from the start, it’s certain that you won’t be able to do it.

How’s your attitude and perspective? I think I have to check mine in a few areas.

Some Things I Learnt in 2013

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I’ve been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. But I’ve done lots of thinking and metacognitive analysis as usual, so I’ve got a bunch of things I’ve learnt throughout last year about how I work.

Here’s a quick summary of some of the things I’ve learnt:

  • As the duty fulfiller (MBTI) I love working hard but when I’m given so much work that I can’t keep up with, I get overwhelmed and start to let things slip because it’s all to much and I know I can’t do the job to the standard I want to. I’m a 100% or 0% type person. If I can’t put 100% into something, I don’t want to do it. I feel guilty if I can’t do the job the best I can, but I also feel guilty if I let things slip. My nature, then, is to simply keep going. When I hit this roadblock last year and was letting things slip, I resolved to just keep at it. I shared what I learnt with a friend and she had a “Whoa” moment from it because she realized she was the same. And now she’s made steps to “do something” instead of doing nothing at all. Because sometimes it’s better to do something than never do anything.
  • Again, as the duty fulfiller I love putting my all into my work. And when I can’t put my all into my work, I get very frustrated and feel burdened. My friend who puts her all into caring for people gets very frustrated and burdened when she can’t love people the way she wants to. We feel the exact same way about different things. I love how we’re all so different! We both have to learn not to place such high expectations on ourselves to ALWAYS be and do everything we want to be and do in the particular areas we care most about. Otherwise we’d be miserable whenever we couldn’t live up to our standards.
  • I learnt that I really am an advocate as the type 1 (Enneagram). I never really saw it in me but I finally worked out that it fits. I feel lost if I don’t have any meaning, and a big part of where I get meaning from is having a focus outside of myself. This means not just doing things I enjoy all the time but doing things that also give something back to people around me. The key for me is to find things that are both for me and others and also to find things that I believe in. This has helped a lot in giving me direction in life.
  • Knowing about my advocate nature, this has helped me realize that I need a filter for life. A filter that tells me what I should say yes and no to. A filter that tells me what I should spend my time, money and energy on. This way, goals can be met quicker, waste is avoided and there is a clearer meaning and purpose in life, both in the bigger picture and in the everyday.

So, this is only a snippet of the things I’ve learnt but I’ll write about the other things in other posts. And, of course, I’ll always be learning more! It’s a lot of fun!

A Lesson in Life from a Tennis Player

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Some people don’t like Lleyton Hewitt. Call me crazy, but I like him.

For those who don’t know, he’s an Australian tennis player, and I can understand why people wouldn’t like him, but I think he typifies the Aussie spirit.

He’s tenacious, feisty, determined, gritty, and never says die.

He isn’t flashy or showy, he doesn’t have any big weapons, but he fights. He is the battler and the underdog against the players with bigger weapons.  If he has a weapon it’s his mental toughness. But he also has good court sense and good shot selection. Basically, he’s got a good head. Plus he has speed.

I just love that he’s always up for the challenge. He doesn’t back down and always fights to the end. I think everyone could learn from that attitude. To not run from challenges but to face them head on, not because you have to, but because you love to. He enjoys the fight and he has courage.

I love that he also loves Australia and it’s what he’s about. He wants to win for Australia and loves Davis Cup because of his Aussie pride. Loving Australia means he also supports other Aussies and the team, and just as he plays with passion, he’s passionate in his support. There’s the Aussie mateship, and I love the encouragement.

This post was inspired by watching the Davis Cup where Australia was playing Poland in the doubles. Lleyton wasn’t playing but when one of the Aussie players got out of a tight spot with a winning serve, you could hear Lleyton say, “Good serve,” in his intense passionate way from the sidelines. I loved it—his will to win, to see Australia win and for his teammates to get them over the line. That’s some fantastic passion there. It’s fantastic support that comes from passion.

So say what you want about him, but I think we can learn from him. If we were as passionate about something the way he is about tennis and Australia, imagine how dynamic and exciting life would be because we’d be doing what we loved, chasing after it with everything we had. And we’d be supporting others in their passions too. He’s got a great attitude and heart.

I believe sport can teach us so much about life. This was just one example.

Greatest Fears and Desires

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I once heard a quote that our greatest desire is also our greatest fear.

What do yo think? Universally and personally? Do you agree?

What is your greatest fear? Have you searched inside your heart deep enough to find out?

I hear lots of people saying their greatest fear is loneliness or losing loved ones. I can see how they are huge fears, but they’ve never really resonated with me.

I’ve always thought my greatest fears were along the lines of rejection, judgment, and failure.

But If I go even deeper, I think my greatest fear is not doing what I was meant to do on this earth.

And that is my greatest desire – to do what I was made to do. No matter how scary or hard. No matter how many times I may fail.

Of course, I think there are many things we’re all meant to do, but I hope I don’t miss the key ones.

And I believe the things we’re meant to do are for others because I believe we’re here for others. Sure, there’s other things, but if we don’t do anything for others, what’s the point?

Was that deep enough? Haha!

So, what is your greatest fear and what is your greatest desire? Dig deep. Are they the same thing?

And once you face your greatest fear and desire, what are you going to about them?