Perfection vs Love

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I love it when something can completely change my perspective. And I love it when that change in perspective has a good impact on my life.

This happened to me when I watched another marvellous TED talk—this one was on vulnerability.

Sometimes we have a certain idea of what we should be like and when we don’t live up to this idea, we can feel disappointed, guilty, depressed or angry. I used to feel so guilty that I wasn’t what I thought I should be. I was hard on myself; I mentally berated myself all the time. Telling myself I didn’t need to be perfect didn’t work because deep down I still wanted to be perfect.

But after watching this video, something clicked. Now I believed that I didn’t need to aim for this perfect idea of myself. Instead, I’ve come to accept the me with all my flaws because I’ve learnt that having flaws isn’t a bad thing.

I’m okay with being imperfect; I’m okay with me. It was such a relief when I learnt this lesson and my perspective changed. It was like the guilt just lifted off me. There’s still things I don’t like about myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the whole person. Having things I don’t like about myself isn’t a reason to think the worst about me. Instead, I can accept I have things that aren’t great in my life and still say that I’m okay.

The goal isn’t to have the perfect personality, appearance, job, skills, etc. The goal is to love and be loved. Think about it this way: we can be perfect and not loved or we can be imperfect but loved. All my life I’ve wanted perfection over love. Now I want love over perfection.  That’s the key difference in my thinking. I believe people can be loved even when we’re imperfect. So there’s no need to strive for perfection anymore, unless you want perfection for perfection’s sake.

I wanted perfection because I thought it would make people, including myself, like me better. Now I just want to be myself. How amazing that when we are ourselves, people can love us more. And when we like ourselves, we’re free to love others better because we’re not worried what they’re thinking of us. We can just see them and love them, instead of see ourselves through their eyes.

I hope this helps all the people who think they need to be perfect, simply be me sharing what changed for me. I couldn’t force the change; it just happened. I hope it happens to you too.

Let go of who you think you should be, and just be. Take that burden off your shoulders of who you think you should be. Just be. You don’t have to be anyone else than who you are.

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2 responses »

  1. “Let go of who you think you should be, and just be. Take that burden off your shoulders of who you think you should be. Just be. You don’t have to be anyone else than who you are.”

    That is a great statement and works well as an inspirational quote. That succinctly describes being who one is and not what others think one should be or striving to be what one is not. This kind of thinking/behavior can lead to a life of misery and a feeling of failure. When, in reality, imperfection, to be flawed is part of humanity, nay, even part of nature! Nature is flawed; of course, that is why nature evolves. When nature “notices” a “mistakes” many years are required to “correct” it. Mutations form in genes and in nature to “repair” nature. As human beings, as nature ourselves, we, too are “flawed”, but are not failures for being so. There may be much in the human race that is flawed and in need of repair, but this is not a failure, neither good or bad, just in need of adjustment (of an evolution). Nature tend toward and converges upon a kind of “perfection” to sort of right things (not in the sense of right or wrong) but to stabilize, to affect some kind of equilibrium. So, we are in constant flux, in constant motion towards change, we are chaos, continually fractaling and tessellating towards higher and higher forms of being [Note: by higher, I do not mean superiority, but I mean in terms of evolution].

    Although, we evolve, it does not mean we are necessarily bad or even imperfect, just that we change, we are motion. Yes, this may make us vulnerable, but it also makes us human BE-ings. Closer to our natural state than striving for what we cannot have or chasing after shadows on the cave wall. Accepting one’s self as one can be, is liberating and comes with much less anxiety and discontent.

    Lovely post.

    • Well, I got most of the quote from the TED talk. It’s the thing that struck me and changed my thinking. I always knew not to aim for perfect and perfect isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But I still wanted it. Even your thoughts on the matter I would nod at, but deep down I still thought perfection was my goal. It’s so good not to be trapped by it. I find it fascinating how thoughts change, though. Fun!

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