There is a point at which one becomes aware of deeper truths present in what one perceives as reality, and although scientific-management and the other social experiments exacted upon the world by those who seek to create come kind of rational human being, a superman from the nascent gene pool of human nature, attempted to insert in SchizoAffectives (although at birth it could not have been known that these particular individuals—true individuals and not the rugged individuals of whom Watts speaks—would resist this insertion by becoming SchizoAffective [or Autistic or even Schizophrenic]) this rational thinking process, the mechanism of the system, the SchizoAffective resisted, with his very life.
When a human being is born, he has no inherent thinking process; he has only sensation and awareness of those sensations. He lives only in the Now, he has no extrinsic concept of time, he has no ability of mind to predict behavior. At infancy, the human being is at his most mindful: all mind and no thought. All awareness and the glimmers of consciousness from his first intake of oxygen (and perhaps before). Through systematized familial relationships (whether that familial relationship be biological or institutional or on the street is irrelevant, for the etymological origins of the term family stem from the word “familiar”. Family is that which one is most familiar. That which one encounters and engages every day) a process of thought begins to supplant or replace that natural mindfulness and awareness. In Western Culture, rather than raise the levels of consciousness begins to break them down, to disintegrate them. Not necessarily out of meanness or malice or even evil, but out of efficiency and necessity.
To disintegrate the consciousness and narrow the awareness makes for easier rearing of a child in an already systematized culture and society. Thus begins the Social Game. Without knowing the effects of such play, the familial institutions begin to prepare the infant for a childhood of systemized living: schooling, social interactions (rather than friendships), social communication (the forming of consciousness and awareness and sensations into rational, logical, linear thought, and thought into rational, linear, logical language). A schizophrenic meanders in speech, seemingly illogical, lacking linear capacity, therefore difficult to follow or comprehend. One thing does not naturally lead to another. It takes a path untrodden through the wooded fabric of his still intact mindfulness, awareness, and consciousness. Like grasping Alice’s hand and wandering thought Wonderland for a spell, visiting bits and pieces of nonsense. Like looking at the first layer of a highly iterated fractal. The SchizoAffective mind works (not processes) like layers of fractal chaos. It tessellates. Only making any kind of sense when the full pattern of the fractal can be seen from a higher level of magnification. As such, systematized society and its rules are traumatic to the schizoid mind.
The schizoid mind is not fragmented by years of systematic abuse (that is AB-use, used badly or wrongfully) despite his speech appearing so to systematized society. His depth of emotion remains wide along the spectrum, not divided into sad/happiness, anger/contentment, crying/laughter. It retains its seemingly inexplicable nonduality and laterality: Cry-laughing-anger-smiling-sorrow-contentment-pensivity-stillness, etc. In effect, a chaos of emotion and mental associations that is like a quantum code. Every iterant absorbs the previous and results in a new iteration, which then absorbs, and so forth. Iterations can be understood to mean manners of speech, sentence structure, sensation, awareness, of environment, empathy of others’ emotions, words and meanings of others in their environment, and so on. Although, not an algorithm naturally, the mind of a SchizoAffective (and schizophrenic) behaves like one, more like IBM’s Watson, or higher level AI. The schizoid mind learns in this manner as well. Thus, he is a difficult addition to the social consciousness. He does not fit. He becomes the discordant (and contrariwise, society appears discordant to the schizoid mind; the affect to the schizo of SchizoAffective). Quite plainly, the social game can and does drive the schizoid mind into madness; hence his defense mechanism of dissociation, or isolation, or hallucination, or paranoia, or delusions.
The schizoid mind experiences intrinsically the external world like a person on LSD. His experience is psychedelic always, his awareness is synesthetic, his empathy almost like telepathy. What then of the socially constructed ego? Why is the schizo without one? Even if he were born with an ego, he would discard it out of preservation for his consciousness. The ego does not fit into the schizoid mind’s psychedelic experience and perception of the world about him. He MUST rid his mind of the ego; else, he shall not survive the continual and constant onslaught of the social order. In other words, the riddance and absence of the ego is a self-defense mechanism in the schizo.
*Image Credits (all work used with permission through CC license)–
“*aLiCe iN WoNdErLaNd-SynDroMe*” by caroline barberis
“treatment-of-schizophrenia-01” by Life Mental Health
“childhood-schizophrenia-symptoms” by Life Mental Health
“Schizophrenia bis” by Gwendal Uguen
“Daydreamer” by H.Kopp Delaney
“Samsara + Nirvana” by H.Kopp Delaney
- Melvin (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
- Schizo (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
- Medicinal (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
- Melvin (music video) (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
- A SchizoAffective Existence (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
- What Is ‘You’? (nikotheorb.wordpress.com)
Reblogged this on EXPLORINGtheLATERAL and commented:
Egoless existence 🙂
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Interesting that a schizoid mind dumps the ego, mindfulness is not he dumping of the ego, it is the natural order restored.
We invent the ego out of past memories, what we feel about ourselves and how others treat us, woven into a fluid story. This ego judges and compares to file all of life for us. The ego never feels equal as it judges it is ever better or worse never equal and always yearning, wanting, needing.
The ego does not have our best interest our does it even know what is best for us.
For PTSD sufferers t be able to let the ego fade and be able o enter the other side of the mind, healing arrives.
That is also how I see and how I have experienced living (I am diagnosed with SchizoAffective Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). There is a downside, too. Without an ego, one experiences the external world unfiltered (where the ego can work as a filter to protect the self), as such one has no protection against the outside world, so often sees the world as hostile (when in the very depths of a psychotic episode) and becomes paranoid. However, without a filter, one can experience the world in a way that allows one to see it in a weird (not in a bad sense) way. Vivid colors, highly emotional and sensational, which can also become an overload. Too much information, literally.
Thank you for the great comment.
This was right on the money for me. Especially the notion of a schizoaffective’s everyday experience being that of a person on LSD. Also, that it’s almost like a defense mechanism for them to not accept reality on reality’s terms. Makes a lot of sense (although I know everyone experiences things differently).
This, as someone with SchizoAffective Disorder, is exactly how I experience the world (as described, like a psychadelic experience). It can have its downsides, but there is beauty in it as well. Without an ego, the schizoid mind can only defend against what it perceives as an onslaught against the mind/consciousness (rather than the ego or personality or self-esteem), so consensus (social) reality becomes like an attack. There are ways to try and recognize that reality is not an attack, through therapy, medication, mindfulness, meditation, etc. But the psychadelic experience remains the same.
Thank you for the comment.
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