Why don`t they just LEAVE?


If you’ve been following the news, you’ve probably been watching the explosion that has engulfed  Anthony Weiner, New York City mayoral candidate and ongoing political comedy sketch. Aside from the fact that his name is almost too perfect considering his scandal, you may have noticed something else about Anthony Weiner: his wife, Huma Abedin, has stuck around through this mess. And she’s been getting a lot of flack for it.

YesEven Hillary Clinton seems to think that Huma Abedin should leave. Which is a little ironic, considering she stayed with Bill. Obviously Bill and Hillary had more history when their scandal broke, and they were in different situations, but the real question is this: does Hillary Clinton have a right to make a public statement about what another woman should do in her marriage? In fact, do ANY of us have a right to judge another person’s marriage or relationship?

Probably not.


There are so many beautiful women (Kasandra Perkins, Reeva Steenkamp, Nicole Brown Simpson, Rihanna) who’ve lived and died this story. Heather Cassel was a 20 year-old woman from Spokane who died this week.  Heather’s not a model or a superstar, but someone’s mother, daughter and friend, and of as equal value as any of us.

It’s one thing to support someone trying to leave a bad situation. Or to say that YOU would leave in that situation. It’s one thing to say that abuse is unacceptable, etc. But those aren’t actually the kinds of statements we’ve been hearinganxious

We see this all the time. When Rihanna and Chris Brown went through that nasty split years back, people were outraged…that she didn’t leave when it first got bad. Survivors of domestic abuse are actually blamed all the time. ”Why didn’t you leave?” Women who stay with husbands who cheat are criticized for staying. Society has its own particular ideas about monogamy and relationships and morality and projects them as blanket judgments on situations that require more than simply one-size-fits-all determinations. Life is not always black and white. We exist in a world marked by shades of gray, and when the media, when fellow women and fellow members of society, start to project those black and white determinations onto those gray areas, they end up condemning women for making choices that may have seemed like the only options, or who may have made the choices that they deemed best for them. In fact, language and phrasing have much to say when it comes to keeping women down. In fact: The word “woman” is believed to have derived from the Middle English term wyfman, broken down simply as the wife (wyf) of man. In Old English, women were described simply as wyf, while the term man was used to describe a human person, regardless of gender.c It`s funny how easy it is for us to judge the person who didn`t leave, but why don`t we focus more on the person who abused? By saying that she should have left we are also saying indirectly that she should be blamed. What if we would focus the same way on other tragedies? For example: Who would say: “The stupid Cambodians, why did they go like sheep to the slaughters” when two- thirds of the population was killed. We look at how we can prevent this from happening again, and at the abusers. We don`t blame the people who have been manipulated. 


previously pointed out


Our Campaigns - Sexual Assault Voices of EdmontonPatrick Stewart: Men need to help end abuse

The actor speaks out on rape, telling men to prevent domestic violence

Verbal Abuse Journals




One response »

  1. I understand what you’re saying. Having lived this a few times in relationships with pathological men, I can say that I did not have the awareness that I do now, to get out. I had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. My childhood abuse of familiarity had a great deal to do with why I allowed abusers into my life. Once I was aware, however, it became a choice as to continue to take the abuse or leave. I chose the latter. Some don’t though. Where does the responsibility lie for choice when we become aware? It takes two to keep a relationship going. Even an abusive one. It creates addiction. Just as with any addict, the only person who can make the choice to stop the addiction is the addict him/herself. It’s hard and complex and many factors are involved. Each situation is different, but I can say that I’m responsible for my choices to be involved, for what I allowed. But I am not responsible for the abuser and his abuse.

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