We can all relate to being hurt. Life poses many challenges along with its splendor and joy and one of the most difficult things humans have to deal with, is pain and suffering. There is pain and suffering associated with the loss of someone close to us either through death, abandonment, divorce, or even natural events such as when people we care about move away. There is pain when people argue and have disagreements.
Many times, our feelings get the best of us and people say or do things that hurt each other. And, as the lyric in the song goes, ‘you always hurt the ones you love.’ Maybe not always , but pretty often the people we tend to let our guard down around are the people closest to us, so it is very likely that they will be the ones that get hurt the most when we lose our temper and lash out.
There are a few common responses to pain and suffering. Sadness is one of them. Sometimes, when people are hurt, they just feel very sad, have a good cry if they are emotionally free enough to do so, feel better because they let the sadness out, and move on. But not too many of us are that stable emotionally all the time. For some of us, having to deal with pain and suffering brings up fear. We are actually afraid to feel the pain and the hurt, and emotionally bypass the true feelings, shifting quickly into fear. Anger is another feeling that is triggered by pain and suffering. It is fairly common for people to become angry very quickly when they feel hurt. The desire to get even and cause someone else pain is very strong in many people and a very common reaction to the pain and suffering they themselves, feel.
And all of these negative, dark feelings have been proven to do some pretty extensive damage, not only to anybody we lash out at in our attempts to unload our own negative feelings, but even more so, it damages us! By holding onto these negative emotions, you can bring anger and bitterness into all your relationships and future experiences. The more we hold onto the negative feelings, the more power they have over us and we become wrapped up in them and we cannot enjoy the present. Some people get so consumed by these feelings, they become depressed or anxious and even lose their real purpose and connection to life.
Enter forgiveness, the decision to allow resentment and revenge to lessen their hold on us so we can continue to focus on more positive parts of our lives again. Some people are so successful with forgiveness that they can actually develop compassion and empathy for the people that hurt them. Forgiveness is not denying that the other person hurt you. They are still totally responsible for their actions that caused you hurt and pain. Forgiveness doesn’t justify any wrongdoing on their part of minimize how hurtful or wrong their behavior may have been. Do not confuse forgiveness with excusing.
Forgiveness is a healer to the pain and suffering that miraculously helps us move through these difficult times back into focus of where we wish to go.
I’m a licensed clinical social worker and have worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. I combine professional experience in the mental health field along with my love of writing to provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. I hope my down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life is easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!