The sound of empty life

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The sound of feeling empty is silent

For me, emotions have meaning. Me and my mother loved watching sappy movies together, and that must have been when I learned how life CAN be: Full of tragedy. But it can also be get better, at the end. I learned: No matter how bad and sad it is, it will eventually work out fine. Maybe that`s why I never have run away from love, because I would rather hurt than not feel anything at all. I have sought emotions actively, and now I am so lucky I get to work with it, every day as a psychologist. I get touched by how people fight, I get a bit mad when I hear how unfair someone has been treated (but containing it, like psychologists must do) and feel energetic at the end of the day. I cheer and yell inside when someone accomplish a change they wanted. This change can be finally saying the unsaid, crying in front om someone they think will hate them, or feeling depression lifting, just a bit.

Kill Bill vol.1 (2003) Quentin Tarantino

Change is not the hard part, once you start it`s possible to do a lot.
But first: Wiggle your big toe.

Even if it might feel small to them, it`s big if you think about it. It`s like one of my supervisors said when I was at the neurorehabilitation clinic: Even if wiggling a little toe, can sound like a small thing, it’s really amazing, because it means the hard work led to something that wasn`t before. It’s a step in the right direction, and that memory can never be taken from you. I feel that way, every time my patient do something new; If they choose not to overeat, if they open their mouth to say they are afraid, if the stop drinking one of 4 days. It doesn`t mean that everything will be good, but it means it is potential there, and potential means hope. Hope is the most wonderful thing, if no one believed the “impossible” where would we be today?

I am not afraid of emotions. Of course there can be too much of it at times, but if someone shout at me over the phone, I rather try to see it from that persons side (is it easier to be mad than to show vulnerability?) than to run and hide. People seeking help, are doing just that. They want something to change, and I can help them if they want to. The have already taken the first step, they are tired of running and hiding and want to face whatever ghosts they tried to leave behind. When they finally do, they are heroes, each and every one of them. My job is to understand the hardship of this struggle, and try to give them the best veapons available.

I have to let them go their way, but I can show them what I think. I can say it is okay to try even if it`s scary. I can encourage and share the pain with them, because I know personally that it`s worth it.

The thoughts so far remind me of one of my favorite movies; The bothersome man.
It’s about a man “doomed” to live in a place where no feelings exist, no good ones and no bad ones either. ( http://politfilm.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/the-bothersome-man) This turns out to be a nightmare, and honestly, I do agree. If I didn`t feel how good it can be to have a cup of tea after a busy day, what`s the point? I actually feel symptahy for people who because of some reason or another, simply are numb, and don`t have any feelings. A lot of people getting medication worry about this, and sometimes I really can see the argument. If we get better and better at removing all bad emotions, will the good be removed too? Will we stop caring for the world at all? Be completely indifferent?

If we never got “mirrored” when we feel anger, sadness or other feelings, we can develop holes that are harder to heal than bruises on the outside. Without feelings, there is no fuel. No fuel that propel us towards the goal of a better world.

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Climbing is meaningful, even if it hurts in the beginning

http://phil-blogs.blogspot.no/2010/01/bothersome-man.html

An excellent blog with the same view: http://echosent.wordpress.com/

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